Does Black Magic Exist?... RAM GOPAL VARMA

THE ACE FILM DIRECTOR AND PRODUCER DIGS INTO ALL THINGS GOOD, BAD AND UGLY IN REAL LIFE AND REEL LIFE......

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I am sure fear stems from the threat of emotional or physical violence.  This fear is heightened, especially if it comes from an unknown or unfathomable source.

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If you are aware of the motivations of the threatening force, you won't be half as scared.  For example, you will be chilled to the bone on being confronted by a snake but if your can recognise the species and know how its poison can affect your system, instead of being scared you will think of ways of escaping it or killing it.

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Belief in God primarily comes out of fear.  We don't trust our family, friends, the police or the government to protect us.  Hence, we desperately believe in a force which will protect us.  Hence, we desperately believe in a force which will protect us in every which way.  In order to feel the power of God, we invent and pitch his power against a counterpoint.  Thus, evil forces like demons, the devil and black magic are created.

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Black magic is supposedly used to hurt or kill an enemy by either practicing it or hiring its practitioners.  Whether it exists or not, nobody can tell, but I am stunned by the sheer number of people who believe in it despite their education and intelligence.  When they cannot understand the reasons behind negative events, they start believing in black magic.

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I know of a certain actor who was seeing a girl whom his parents disapproved of intensely.  Unable to break their relationship and refusing to see the negative traits of their own son, the parents were convinced that the girl practised black magic.  They were even terrified of seeing her pictures in the magazines and newspapers.

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In the West, there is much talk about making someone you hate suffer by pricking needles and pins into a voodoo doll.  In India, the most common cure happens to be a witch doctor or exorcist.

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Now this exorcist can be different depending on the person he has to cure.  There are godmen, minor and major, who will offer panaceas, paper chits and amulets and soon assume cult status.

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In the case of rural areas and the underprivileged sections even in cities, these exorcists come with bodies covered in ash, their long hair braided and coloured.  They carry small brooms, little drums and perform high-pitched prayers before the affected person.  This practice has been around for centuries but I do wonder about the success ratio of these self-styled exorcists.

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Frankly, I am shaken by fear also.  On returning home after a long trip, I wonder if there is an invisible, malevolent presence in my house.  On a highway when I see a truck being driven towards my car at a crazy speed, I fear that the devil may be in it, and will wipe me out from the face of the earth.

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Mercifully, such paranoid thoughts only last for a split second.  Because I know the cure.  I just tell myself, "Why should you be afraid?  You're quite a devil yourself."

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Try it, it works...... RAM GOPAL VARMA....

The Power of Self... SUDHA UMASHANKER

THE WRITER HAS A KEEN INTEREST IN THE STUDY AND APPLICATION OF SPIRITUALITY AND PHILOSOPHIES FOR SOLVING THE REAL-LIFE PROBLEMS OF THE MODERN WORLD...

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All great things in life begin with a belief, a dream or vision and a never-say-die spirit.  Youth is an age when one fervently believes one can change the world order and usher in a new way of doing things.  It is a phase in life when one's head is full of dreams, of the peaks one wants to conquer, the goals and targets one is chasing and the unconventional choices one would like to make.  Which is as it should be, for all things worthwhile begin that way.  Remember Martin Luther King and his famous words?  "I have a dream."  And as Napoleon Hill, inspirational thinker, author of books on success, positive thinking and such subjects and who drew inspiration from his son who was born without ears but grew up to lead a normal life, said, "What the mind can conceive and believe it can truly achieve."

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Focused, single-minded determination and the grit to keep at it even when the chips are down is what ultimately translates to the actualisation of a dream.  As our spiritual masters point out, karmic patterns can be changed by hanging in there and persisting, unfazed by temporary hurdles.  God helps those who help themselves.

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The way to negate bad karma is simple - do good karma.  In addition, an unshakeable belief in one's ideas, even if everyone around is sceptical or ready to write you off, is also vital.  Patience is yet another virtue work cultivating.  Just like Rome was not built in a day, anything worthwhile cannot be accomplished overnight.  Two important and useful tools in the realisation of one's beliefs are creative visualisation and affirmation.

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As Shakthi Gawain, spiritual author says, "Creative visualisation is really nothing but using your natural imagination - the basic creative energy in the universe - to create what you want in your life.  The problem is that we use it more to anticipate problems, imagine difficulties and roadblocks."

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Let's say you are not happy in your current job.  Visualise yourself  in a new (read ideal) job.  Picture yourself at work doing what you love and excelling at it.  Add all the little details, what kind of office it is; the people you are meeting with, etc.  Do it vividly in your head.  If your desire and intention to make a change are clear, the chances are high that it will happen pretty soon.  For creative visualisation to work effectively it is important to relax completely.

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Explaining how this happens shakti Gawain says, "When your body and mind are deeply relaxed your brain wave pattern changes and becomes slower.  This deeper slower level is called the alpha level while your usual busy waking consciousness is called the beta level.  Alpha level is a very healthy state of consciousness because of its relaxing effect on the mind and body."  The bottom line is when  you want to create real changes in life, using creative visualisation at the alpha level is more effective than operating at the beta level - thinking, worrying, planning and trying to get people around to do what you want.

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While creative visualisation is more graphic and involves mental imagery, an affirmation on the other hand is a positive statement that something is already so.  It is stating something that you want as if it has already happened.  Like, "Iam attracting all the right people into my life".  "I now have a wonderful new job".

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Let go of any doubts or disbelief when you use affirmations.  For as Sri Paramahansa Yogananda tells us, "Every negative thought or worry or fearful thought cuts subtle grooves in the brain cells and attracts just what we don't want.  Repeat your affirmations first loudly, then softly and more slowly until your voice becomes a whisper, then only mentally."

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As you go deeper past your subconscious, you begin to experience a sense of peace and your affirmation goes deeper into the super conscious realm and subsequently influences your conscious desire and leads to the actualisation of your dreams.

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Refrain from running through the affirmations mechanically but state them with determination, devotion and clarity of purpose.  The best time for affirmations is in the morning immediately after waking or just before bedtime.  Affirmations should be used in alignment with our highest goals and purposes and for the highest good of all things.  While a strong sense of self and "I" are big confidence boosters, one must realise that for affirmations to translate into reality, a strong anchorage in the higher self is an absolute must.  While psychology plays a part ultimately, it's really about the power of consciousness over the body and mind.

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"IT MAY SOUND PHILOSOPHICAL BUT WHAT THE MIND CAN CONCEIVE AND BELIEVE, IT CAN TRULY ACHIEVE..."

Derail Your Negative Thoughts... ANUPAM KHER

THE RENOWNED ACTOR DECODES THE FINER NUANCES OF HUMAN PSYCHE AND BEHAVIOUR AND SHOWS THE ROUTE TO SELF-IMPROVEMENT...

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One of the enduring issues of contemporary life is that there are too many negative things happening, and too few positives.  Whether you open the news papers or watch the news on television or just look around you, you will see that the number of bad guys far outnumber the good guys.  And the sad part is that it is becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish the good from the bad.

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In a world bereft of role models, where the mass media confuses rather then analyses, the negatives are coming across as more alluring and exciting; the good is looking boring.  Apart from the obvious confusion of values, the other aspect is the increasing amount of people who are beginning to feel negative in their outlook.

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Last month I met a woman in her twenties, who is in the advertising business and is typical of many people of her generation.  She confessed to me that she was very negative in her attitude; about people, about relationships and about her future.  It was not that she was a victim of some unfortunate circumstances; far from it.  But just looking at the world around her; and at her colleagues and at the entire business of media hyping the wrong people and ignoring the right ones, and had made her sick to her gills.  It had come to a stage where she could see nothing positive in anything that happened to her.

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She is not alone.  Actually, she may just be a cynic and not a negative personality.  But the loneliness of the big cities, where youngsters follow dreams, is a recipe for negativism and depression to flourish.  Many people I meet are consumed with depression to flourish.  Many people I meet are consumed with depressive thoughts like, "Nothing good will come out of this interview."  "I can never get this job... I am a born loser."  Such feelings are self-fulfilling and ultimately strangulate the personality they feed on.

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The sad part is that thoughts do not remain mere thoughts.  What is little known is that our thoughts trigger off chemicals in our brains which send electrical impulses across the brain and create neural pathways.  The more we keep getting such negative thoughts, the more our brain keeps getting hardwired to being receptive to such thoughts.  So the trick is to break them.

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I have already mentioned in my earlier column the concept of reciting backwards the numerals from 50 to one.  Such an exercise breaks our thought process and forces us to focus on the count.  Another method is to chant a poem or a hymn or a mantra to derail the negative thought.  To break the negative thought process, think of the positives in your life or any happy event.  Like your last vacation, or the fun-filled party you attended.  Or just the happy and warm moments you shared with your family.

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And finally, one of the most important things to do is to have a circle of positive friends who will bolster you with optimism.  That is why they say, "Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you what you are!".................

TO BREAK THE NEGATIVE THOUGHT PROCESS, THINK OF THE POSITIVES IN YOUR LIFE OR ANY HAPPY EVENT.....

Unite With The Supreme Force.. MALLIKA BHATIA

THE WRITER IS A COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGIST AND A HOLISTIC HEALER.  HER WORK REVOLVES AROUND HELPING PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THEIR FEELINGS...

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So 2012 is here!  We hope you and your loved ones have a brilliant year ahead.  But tell me, what was the first thing you did today after you woke up?  Did you check all the mess left behind after the party last night?  Did you solemnly vow to follow all the resolutions you made?  Or did you pray to God for this year to be fulfilling in all the ways that you have planned?

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Most of us being every new event with a prayer.  It could be in the form of a havan when we move into a new house or office; a simple aarti on a day we consider important and auspicious; salat five times a day, the first of which is also at the very beginning of the day or the mass on Sundays or special days or a paath.

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There are many other forms of prayer depending on our religious and personal beliefs.  Some of us like to pray with rituals, for some it is as simple as lighting a candle or incense and for some others it is just a silent conversation in our minds with our God.  The fact is whatever our form of prayer is, the intention is always the same: for our prayers to be answered.

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Our styles of praying reflect our beliefs and perceptions about God, they also reflect how we internally and externally connect with God and how we connect with ourselves.  Some of us believe that God is a higher entity, somewhere up there, looking at us and our actions, some believe that God is within and we are completely one with Him.  That He speaks to us and through us.  Some believe that God chooses special people to speak to us - gurus, saints.  Even in all these beliefs the common factors is the intent to get what we desire through varied forms of prayer.

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The important thing to focus on is what do we pray for?  Do we mostly only ask for new material possessions like a new car, house or the latest version of an iPad or iPhone?  Or do we ask for learning, growth, success, abundance and happiness?

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There is truly no harm in asking for material things like i-gadgets as long as we remember that the most important and common aspect of all these i-gadgets is the "I".

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If we can focus on the "I" and its growth, we will always get abundance in most aspects of our lives.  Happiness will flow, satisfaction, peace and success will bow to us.

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So when you pray, make sure you choose your prayer wisely.  Be careful of what you ask for because the chances that you might get it are high.

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Pray for yourself and for others.  Value what you have and value the power of prayer.  If you ever find yourself doubting the value of prayer, as its value to the family members of seriously ill patients.  And always remember, I dram.  I achieve, I pray because I am..... MALLIKA BHATIA

VOW TO CHERISH AND LOVE MYSELF BEYOND ANYTHING.. Mani Shankar

Inspire myself with myself.  Not with hollow words or empty gazes into vacant spaces but with the silent energy of my vital being.  I am my only true friend and companion.  I am both - the alpha and omega - the beginning and end of me.  I know that when I am gone, this Universe I see and know shall have gone with me, yet I recklessly throw away each day without inspiring myself.  Every day when I wake up, I look seemingly whole, but get broken into pieces as the day progresses.  By night, I am torn and fragmented.  All day I don so many masks before the many masks of others, become so many people to so many people, I sometimes don't know who I am anymore.  Enough.  From this day I shall not tear myself out of fear or anger, or if I do, I shall patiently re-join the fragments with love until I am whole again.

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I shall cherish my family, honour my friends and I shall enjoy this world, but above all, I shall love myself deeply.  I shall love the spirit of life that flows out of my body, the deep intelligence that created me, pumped this heart to feel the gladness pouring out of my being.

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No. girlfriend or boyfriend, lover, husband wife, father, mother, daughter or son, no books, no website, no text messages, no news, no TV channels or columns of newspapers can ever know me as much as I know myself.  They are my links to the world, but they also sometimes hook me with the bright bait of desire, they make me salivate to wants that are not my wants, make me a slave to passions that never rose from my heart in the first place.  This is the primary seed of confusion, the main cause of agony.  All these desires that are not my desires, these goals that are not my goals - and this madness that arises from the fear that I will never live up to the world's expectation of me.
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I abandon the expectations of this world.  I shall only live to fulfill the passions that pour out of my own heart, utter words that speak through my own voice and realise desires that bear the true signature of my being.
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I inspire myself with the rhythms of my own heart.  I shall listen to what it tries to tell me in its soft beats, ask questions and wait till I hear replies in signs, songs and clues, till I feel gently awakened to the desires that flow in the deep rivers of my being.  I shall follow the song of my heart from this day.  I shall only do what inspires me, what motivates me, what makes me deeply happy - for that is the only way I shall be true to myself and this world.
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The future is never a mystery to those who care to see it clearly infold in their hearts.  I will see myself not only as who I am, but also always as who I want to be.
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I inspire myself with myself.  Heart with mind.  Action with passion.  And above all, life with love deep enduring love that is the silent energy of my vital being.
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FROM THIS DAY I SHALL NOT TEAR MYSELF OUT OF FEAR AND ANGER, OR IF I DO, I SHALL RE-JOIN THE FRAGMENTS WITH LOVE UNTIL I AM WHOLE AGAIN......

Get Out Of The Rut Of Materialistic Greed .... Queenie-tessential

Roti, Kapda Aur Makaan: the three necessities of life that we take for granted.  In fact, not only do we assume they will always be there, but we take them to a new level, where they no longer are a necessity, but a luxury.  What happens when it is taken away from your?  When you don't know where you will sleep tonight or where your next meal will come from, or if your are left with one pair of clothes to survive?  Ever thought of that?

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Rohit (Timmy) Narang challenged himself by doing a TV challenged himself by doing a TV programme where he would have none of the above.  Timmy runs Ambassador Sky Catering, where they provide thousands of meals per day.  Ironically, he was chasing a grain of rice not knowing when and where he would get his next meal.  "We seed food on plates being wasted.  None of us blink at it.  We go to fancy restaurants and pay dollars for gourmet food.  Imagine if you don't know when and how you will find a morsel of food," he said, narrating his recent experience.  "Your attitude in life changes.  Your behavior towards people change.  You are in survivor mode, and all you care about it how will you feed yourself."

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We sleep on comfortable beds in our air-conditioned rooms.  We aspire for bigger homes and furniture that spell luxury.  Even pillows today have their own hierarchy.  "What if you really don't know where you will rest your tired body?"  Timmy asked.  The world of luxury has hit us like a hurricane.  Clothes have to be stylish and branded, otherwise they are not up to the mark.  "I probably have clothes that are lying for years in my closet with tags still on them," he laughed.  "The funny thing is the more we have, the more we think about it and the more complicated our lives become."

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The experience has changed Timmy completely.  "I now worry about my driver's meal times," he said, referring to how many times we overlook the fact that those who work for us may not have eaten till late in the day.

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"We have way more than we need.  If we really reflect on our lives, we need so much less than we have.  Life is so much simpler and better when you are out of this rut."

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"But you knew the experience would be temporary?"  I asked him.  He paused and answered, "Yes, it was temporary, but when someone like me, who has been a stickler for nutrition and good food which I have every few hours, gets none... all this become a reality," he said.

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"My friends mocked me when I planned on going for this," he reminisced.  "Today, I feel a strength within me that is powerful.  I know I can live without materialistic greed," he said to me convincingly.

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"It's time to reflect," he said, "To give back to people who don't have all this.  Not with money, but real food, clothes and shelter.  Unfortunately money sometimes does not reach them," he said.  "We have much more than we need.  We have to prioritise and it's time for me to make people who don't have 'roti, kapda nor makaan' feel better," he said, with a positive spirit.........

Makings Of A Great Hero.... MANI SHANKAR

I get up every morning and tell myself I want to enjoy life at office today.  But I end up preoccupied, nervous or just plain sad.  At night, I look back and realise that I failed once again.  Tell me how to enjoy life.  Make it a short answer, something I can hold in my heart.............. -- Divya, Age 26

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Swami Vivekananda once famously said, "This world can only be enjoyed by Heroes."  Nobody said it better.  So, if you want to enjoy your life, be a Hero.  That's your short answer.  Hold that in your heart everyday.

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Now, for the long explanation.  For starters, "Hero" isn't gender specific.  It doesn't mean a male matinee idol.  It doesn't mean a sports sensation or a rock star.  It doesn't mean the celebrities, the champions or the men we sometimes wished we were.  A hero is none of them.  Hero is actually a state of mind.  It's your response to the world - your reflection of your inner-self.

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How do you become a hero?  To begin with, be on good terms with all persons, with the world, with the situation you find yourself in right now.  A hero never rages against reality.  She accepts her reality even as she moves to change it.  Anger isn't her favorite emotion.  She is calm, in the face of adversity, has the strength to smile when others feel the need to cry.

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A hero never compares herself to others.  She knows that there will always be someone better, fairer, sexier, smarter, richer, more successful than herself.  She has the courage to feel good about anyone who is in that list, and has the strength not to let them shake her aim or goal.

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A hero is interested in her own career, however humble it may seem.  She knows the world has a way of putting down everyone.  She will learn to ignore the world and pursue whatever she does till she does it fantastically well, for she knows that is the gateway to future success.

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A hero is always looking for virtues in others.  Even though she knows there are more frauds than good people, she is never hesitant to seek and praise goodness, greatness or any other virtue in anyone.  She can do that because she is confident of herself.  Her foundations are rock solid within, and this liberates her.  She is nobody's fool.  When she cuts someone down, it is with minimum force - done with poise and grace.

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A hero is gentle on herself.  She knows how precious her life is, how beautiful all life is.  She knows she is a visitor to this planet, here on a short holiday, and it's important to have fun in every moment.  So nothing really needs to be taken very seriously.

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She is smart enough to know that if she doesn't live her present moment in happiness, she isn't likely to live the future moment either. 

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So look at yourself every morning, Divya, look at the inner self, look at the true your, till a radiant smile spreads across your face.  You know you are a hero.  You will live today like a hero.

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Nothing and nobody will come in your way, for you hold the keys to your life, and your happiness is solely in your hands.  Now go ahead and have a truly great day.... 

Don't cry over challenges ... MANI SHANKAR...

ANY ONE WHO LOSES CANNOT BE CALLED A LOSER.  BUT THE GUY WHO GIVES UP WITHOUT EVEN TRYING IS  A REAL LOSER
When will our society arrive at a stage where people are not labelled winners and losers?  Why are we always pitted against each other, made to compete for everything?  Why do we make life so damn tough for others?  I need to know this immediately," says 14 year-old Prithvi.
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Despite the philosophical nature of the questions you have raised.  I am quite sure that one of the three things has recently happened to you:
1.  You performed badly in a test or exam.
2.  Some girl you fancied told you to get lost.
3.  An older sibling, a teacher or a parent scolded you or called you a "loser" for something  you did or did not do.
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Even if none of these things have happened, get the word "loser" out of your head, now and forever.  It should no longer exist in your vocabulary.  Here's why.  There is a serious difference between losing and being a loser.  Anyone and everyone who loses cannot be called a loser.  In fact, no one who loses can be termed a loser.  But the guy who gives up without even trying is a real loser.
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We compete for everything because as humans, we are programmed to be eternally dissatisfied with whatever we have.  It's in our nature to fight with each other all the time.  But don't let that worry you.  Conflict is a fact of life.  Better prepare for it.
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Don't get philosophical and start feeling sad about the world either, for only stiff competition can bring out the best in you, sharpen your mind, strengthen your sinews, make a real man out of you.
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So whether it's the exam hall or the cineplex mall, you are going to be competing for marks, for chicks, for attention, for practically everything.  You can't get soft on the world and cry about why we make life so tough for ourselves.
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Life would be boring without the spice of challenge, without obstacles and conflicts.  Imagine if every boy had a proper girlfriend and everyone was going steady all the time... yuck!  Where
s the spice of getting a "look" from someone who is already "booked"?  Life would be like driving a thousand miles on a road that goes straight on a plain flat countryside.  Where's the scenery, where are the bends and turns, the bumps and uphill climbs?
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If you have absolutely everything you want in life and there was nothing more to aspire for, you would die out of sheer boredom.  If you have nothing in life and have given up wanting any thing, your brain would shrink and wither away.  So stop snivelling about life and become tough.
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We all need an identity for ourselves.  When you grow older, you need to look back and mark the milestones of your life and say "here is where I wrote my entrance exam", or "on this day I won that trophy" or even "I was wearing this shirt when she walked out of my life", or "on this very place we lost the finals".  All those milestones are nothing but obstacles you managed to overcome, or which overwhelmed you.  Either  way, they are great moments that defined your life.
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So friend, forget about defeat and victory.  Concentrate on being there and doing that.  In life, even losing something after heroically trying is a very great achievement. 
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So stuff the philosophy and get your ass cracking.  Sweat it out, bury your head in that book, get your sleeves dirty, whatever.  Just get real with life......
"WE COMPETE FOR EVERYTHING BECAUSE WE ARE PROGRAMMED TO BE ETERNALLY DISSATISFIED WITH WHATEVER WE HAVE.  BUT DON'T LET THAT WORRY YOU.  CONFLICT IS A FACT OF LIFE."
*******************....... MANI SHANKAR.. The author, a film, director, will help the youth strike a balance in their relationships.... 

Allot Worry A Small Slot In Mental Circuit... ANUPAM KHER

The renowned actor decodes the finer nuances of human psyche and behaviour and shows the route to self-improvement...

Anxiety has never been judged as a positive emotion.  It is linked with everything that is worthy of being discarded - nervousness, worry, stress and many more.  People with the anxiety syndrome are not too difficult to detect either.

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They are tense, edgy, have a nervous look about them and they display a giveaway sometimes.  Like nervously biting their nails, or even chewing a handkerchief.  For them, life is a series of worries; will their child come back safely from school, will their children pass in their exams this year, do you think the maid is thinking about quitting her job?

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And the worries are not just about the todays.  They stretch into tomorrows and the days after.  Will the children find suitable life partners, will the spouse remain faithful to them when they grow old, what happenes if they contract a life threatening disease?

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In contrast, there are the what-me-care types; the people who have never known a worry.  They go through life blithely, having never known what a crinkled frown is.  You may think that such people are darned lucky.  But pause awhile and consider the baggage that such an attitude brings.

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They never review their lives, never look back in introspection - let alone in anger - they just coast along from day to day.  Is this the correct state of bliss to be in?  Certainly not.

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So you will realise that sometimes what we perceive to be a good state of being is also fraught with a lot of pitfalls.  If the worrier is caught up  in his thoughts and cannot break away from them to carry on with constructive endeavours, the what-me-worry folk may not be doing any mid-course correction at all and may go on from blunders to disasters.

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Contrary to what we are led to believe, the worrier therefore may actually be sometimes better off than someone who never worries.  The ideal situation would of course be to have a blend of both; to worry just a little, not overtly.

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Unfortunately, it is the worriers that are always noticed, not the never-worry folks.  Only those close to the latter know that beneath their self-assured facade may lie a lifetime of errors.

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What does one do to stop worrying all the while?  For starters, one should consciously limit one's worrying hours.  Instead of getting vexed all the time, it would be a good first step to curtail worry time to say, an hour at a fixed time.  That would make the person conscious of his tendency when his mental circuitry gets into the loop.

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Snap out of it and wait till the appointed hour.  I find this method more effective than telling people to put a blanket ban on putting on their worry caps.

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And what should those people who are without a care do?  They should stop believing that they are in a state of bliss.  It is time for them to wake up and get real about their life and routine.  As I say, it is time to take a close look in the mirror...... ANUPAM KHER

Hope is the best miracle worker in life... Anupam Kher

THE CHANGE WITHIN

I had written some weeks ago about now different people have different ways of coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.  What is  however infinitely more difficult than coping with death, is coping with near-death.  I am referring to people who are living with terminal illnesses, like cancer, AIDS, or diseases of the autoimmune system which have no cure, as yet.  

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Not only are many such patients unable to accept reality when confronted with it, but there is a huge proportion of patients who buckle down mentally as disease destroys them slowly, ever so slowly.  Therefore, to help them countenance their fate, almost all such illnesses have large support groups.  That is why in such cases, there is a debate on whether the patients ought to be informed about the true state of their health or not.

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Last week I met two survivors of the Big C at a funeral occasion.  It was at the mourning ceremonies of one of the most energetic actors of yesteryear, Shammi Kapoor, who crossed the Great Divide.  At the ceremony, I met the scion of one of the country's largest film production houses, who was looking paler than usual.  He was one of the brightest youngsters in the industry and was working on offering entertainment on the internet and also on cellphones.  Now, he had lost some weight and some of his crowning glory.  I asked him what the matter was.  "I am down with cancer," he said starkly.  "But cancer has chosen a wrong victim... I am determined to fight back," he said,with determination in his eyes.

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At the same place, I also met another woman who also told me about her battle with cancer.  "I read your columns which are filled with hope," she said.  "And now you must write about people like us, and give others who are battling such illnesses, hope..."  So here I am madam.
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And I realised then that my younger brother Raju too had successfully, and very bravely, waged a battle against cancer a few years ago.  Raju was down with cancer of the urinary bladder and a stage came when the surgeons had to remove his bladder completely to save him.  That entailed him to a life with a catheter sticking out of him and his fluid being collected in a pouch by his side.  Not a pleasant existence for anyone.  But miraculously, the surgeons managed to fashion a bladder from his large intestine, sparing him the indignity of life with a puch.  Raju has been back on his feet since then, busy acting and directing television shows and doing the things he had always been doing.

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Very often, life does not end with such illnesses.  There are thousands of cases of people who have fought back and overcome such illnesses.  The genius of physicist Stephen Hawking is one shining example.  As I say, a bend in the road is not always the end of the road.............

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THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF CASES OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE FOUGHT BACK AND OVERCOME WHEN THE DOCTORS HAD WRITTEN THEM OFF..........

TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR STRIDE.. MALLIKA BHATIA

BEING PROUD OF YOURSELF ISN'T SUCH A BAD THING, TAKING PRIDE IN YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS, THE VALUES AND BELIEFS THAT YOU UPHOLD IS AN INTEGRAL PART OF ONE'S PERSONALITY.  OF COURSE, ONE NEEDS TO KNOW WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE TOO

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A high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing:  this is how a dictionary defines 'pride'.  Clearly its meaning is quite obvious to all of us.  It is what we do with it and how we let it affect us which causes all the trouble.

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Another dictionary defines 'pride' as "a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from achievements, qualities, or possessions that do one credit".  It is the same feeling; all that's changed its how we perceive it, how we react to it and yet again, how we let it affect us.  The purpose is to feel pride by the second definition.  Once we understand the difference between the two, it is an effortless process.

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It is very important for all human beings to be proud of themselves, without the pride.  The boundary is thin, and hence a little tricky too.

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In general terms, a deep feeling of happiness and satisfaction on ones achievements, accompanied by a desire to learn and grow more is the appropriate balance; it is achieved when one is ready to learn from everyone regardless of his/her stature, social standing, age or education; and also from every situation, regardless of our being involved directly, indirectly, or not at all.

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The difference comes when we cross the fine line and move to superbia from pride.  Pride also has humility as an integral part, yet just by being aware of our humility we take away its purity.  The mere fact that we are aware of it goes against the true nature of being humble.  If we are humble, then we just are.  Awareness is not a necessary part of it.

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People can look up to you for your values, work or beliefs and would ideally make you feel satisfied with yourself as a human being.  It might not be the criterion for you to define and derive your satisfaction, yet it might help.  It can also motivate you to learn, refine and grow more.  That's pride.  On the other hand, expecting people to appreciate you because you have strong values is a reflection of your feeling of superbia or pride by the first definition.

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Buddhism provides a definition of pride that fits best in this case, "Pride is defined as an exaggerated positive evaluation of oneself, often based on a devaluation of others.  It results in a kind of attachment to oneself and aversion to others".

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Superbia creates expectation.  Expectation to be complimented, to be followed, to be praised and even to be idolised.  All this may be very subtle but on introspection, it clearly hits the face.  Even if your first reaction on reading this is, "I don't feel so", just peep inside once.  Think objectively and be honest to yourself while doing this analysis.  If you find no traces of these feelings, then please be proud of yourself as you truly do posses a quality that's commendable.  And if your find even slight traces, be proud of yourself for being strong enough to admit to it and being ready to change.  Only when we accept our shortcomings can we actually get down to working on them.

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Accepting your shortcomings is another huge part of moving from superbia to pride.  When we can't see our faults, we are completely blinded by negative or inappropriate pride.  We keep looking for excuses outside ourselves for things going wrong.  Even while trying to evaluate a given situation we would be able to effortlessly see how someone else caused us trouble, how they are the main reasons for things back-firing and not going our way.  We almost seem synonymous to being victims.  We are the victims, not of others but of our own inappropriate sense of pride.  Another thing that pride does to us it that it creates presumptions.  We we operate out of negative pride, we naturally operate out of a                    pre-conceived notion about ourselves, which may not be what the other person thinks of us.  Like we can easily tell the difference between an actual hard worker and a person who constantly seems/looks busy, similarly in the case of pride, we may believe that our pride does not show, but it is quite evident inn our actions, reactions and perceptions.  Hence, it's a huge cycle of faulty self image, presumptions followed by unreal expectations and finally what goes for a toss is, where it all started from, 'pride'.

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Why not just value yourself for what you are.  Be realistic about your characteristics, have appropriate self-esteem, right amount of dignity, correct perception of your achievements.  Why not be ready to learn and change, to be willing to improve, to become better people by simply taking pride in your stride.

......  The writer is a counselling psychologist and a holistic healer

Lord Is My Shepherd ... DOMINIC EMMANUEL

AFTER SHARING some of my experiences from the scenic environs of Kerala about how spiritual life without God is impossible just at tea leaves (branches) have no life without being attached to the plant; about beginning our day the way singing birds do and experiencing God's infinite care as good shepherds much the way the shepherds look after their sheep, I can't resist myself telling you how spiritually refreshed I felt by discovering a nice little brook of cool and clear water down in the valley.

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In my last days of exploring the lush green tea gardens, listening to birds and devouring everything that came my way, in the valley I found a stream of crystal clear water at the foot of two clusters of mountains.  Going that far was a tough call for someone like me who is used to city roads, but I found a well-paved path, which led to that deeper portion of the stream where the quantity of water was more.

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As I made my way further down the stream, the unmistakable sound of the water flowing over the little rocks and pebbles forming its own dance is stark contrast to the utter stillness of the valley was much more soothing than the recorded music of meditation halls.  One could sit for hours and listen to that sound feeling comforted and uplifted.  I began to see and feel why the sound of water flowing as well as the sound of the ocean waves are said to be therapeutic.

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Having sat there for quite some time, I could not but stretch my hand out to touch the water.  Quite spontaneously I took the water with my bare hands and began splashing it on my face.

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I can hardly describe in words how I actually felt doing that.  But it stealthily lead me to a memory of a Hindu friend of mine who had once told me how when she lost her dear mother, he father who happened to be familiar with the Bible went  to a nearby church in New York and reciting Psalm 23 meditated on it to calm him down during that sad bereavement.

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The precious Psalm, which is frequently used by both Jews and Christians to pray and meditate upon and which has been set to music by several composers goes like this:

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"The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures;

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"He leads me beside quiet waters;  He refreshes my soul;

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"He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake.  Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil, for your are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me..."

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While churches, temples, mosques and gurdwaras provide one an opportunity to pray and worship in a more structured and systematic way, I found that for the Psalmist (Psalms were supposedly composed by King David), the presence of God in all such places and imagined that even deer and birds would find a shelter on God's altar.

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It all suggests that, as the poems of Rabindranath Tagore amply  affirm, one can commune with God right in the midst of forests, hills, rivers and everything that nature has given us.  "Thanks you Lord for your beautiful creation."  

                        ______  The author, a founder-member of Parliament of Religions, is currently the director of communication of the Delhi Catholic Church.  He was awarded the National Communal Harmony Award 2008 by the Government of India.  He can be contacted at frdominic@gmail.com

Give Immunity to Bribe-Givers... THINKING ALLOWED... Antara Dev Sen

Talk of rotten luck.  Right when the government was readying to fight bribery and corruption, it was smacked silly by the ghost of bribes past.  Darn!  As we say, our bad luck is worst only.

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So just as Kaushik Basu, chief economic advisor in the finance ministry, stated that the government was looking at possible changes in law to give immunity to bribe-givers to help transparency, the cash-for-votes scam resurfaced with a vengeance to rock Parliament.  According to a WikiLeaks expose, sneaky American diplomats in India had reported that the last United Progressive Alliance (UPA) government had bribed members of Parliament (MP) to buy their votes during the no-confidence motion against Prime Minister Manmohan Singh in 2008.

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Dr Basu, of course, was talking of more mundane cases of bribery, in the context of a policy paper being prepared to combat corruption intelligently and through critical policy changes.  Right now, Indian law sees both giving and taking a bribe as offences.  And under the Prevention of Corruption Act, 1988, a bribe-giver is protected only if he does it to nab the bribe-taker.  For years, many have been pointing out the unfairness of this law that further victimises the victim.  Now, finally the government seems ready to break the nexus between such shifty givers and takers that would help people report corruption without fear of punishment.  "Complete immunity should be available to the bribe-givers in all cases", Dr Basu said.

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And right then comes the charge revealed by WikiLeaks that the last UPA government doled out crores to buy the confidence of the House and stay in power.  Now, it wouldn't do to claim that the alleged bribe-giver (i.e., the government seeking the confidence of the House) should get immunity while those who received the bribe (i.e., voting MPs including those who are supposed to have happily pocketed the dough and then not voted for the government) should be prosecuted.  So "complete immunity" to "bribe-givers in all cases" may not work.  Perhaps, we need to look at the mechanics of bribery and the role of compulsion.

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Compulsion does fuel most of our corruption.  A study by Trace International, an anti-bribery organisation, found that 77 per cent of all reported bribes in India were out of compulsion, not real choice.  Most bribes - 51 per cent - were paid to access the timely delivery of a service to which we are entitled.  We have all faced this demand for chai-paani of varying lavishness, most of us have given in, the rest are probably still fighting to get their water connection installed or police case registered.  

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Next came bribing as self-preservation - to avoid harm, at 16 per cent.  Then there was the matter of the kickback, where 10 per cent had to be coughed up to receive your legitimate payments for services rendered.  All that's compulsion, wouldn't you say?  Bribing just to keep going, to live your life, to stay alive.

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Out of bribes given to gain unfair advantage, three per cent went to influence government officials, four percent to get inappropriately favorable treatment and five per cent to win new business.  So only 12 per cent of bribes were paid to get an edge over others.

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"IT TURNS OUT THAT 91 PER CENT OF DEMANDS IS FROM GOVERNMENT CHAPS.  CENTRAL OFFICIALS LEAD THE PACK WITH 33 PER CENT, THE POLICE A CLOSE SECOND WITH 30 PERCENT, STATEMENT AND CITY OFFICIALS COME A JOINT THIRD AT 10 PER CENT EACH."

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That bribes play a vital role in Indian business is common knowledge.  A couple of years ago Transparency International did a study on countries most willing to pay bribes abroad, and apna India topped that Bribe Payer's Index.  In certain areas, we have unparalleled expertise.

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From the angle of those demanding bribes in our country, it turns out that 91 per cent of demands is from government chaps.  National-level government officials lead the pack with 33 per cent, the police come a close second with 30 per cent, state government and city officials come a joint third at 10 per cent each, state employees are fourth and six per cent and after most of the pie is mopped up, representatives of the ruling party can still claim two percent.  And you thought government service was just about warming chairs?

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Our bribe-scape ranges from the sublime to the magnificent.  Right now, trapped in an unstoppable roller-coaster of scams - from the Commonwealth Games to the 2G spectrum scam, from Adarsh apartments to bulletproof jackets, from paid news to cash for votes, among numerous others - we have a kaleidoscopic vision of how money makes the world go round.  What we don't have, though, is a clear picture of how to stop it and get off.

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The Congress-led UPA government's attempt to curb corruption could bring this roller-coaster screeching to a halt, predictably with some unfortunate fall outs.  But to bring in real reform, we need intelligent changes in law.  And our legal system - though not beyond corruption itself - seems ready for it as well.

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This month, the Supreme Court made two significant rulings that refused to punish victims and went beyond legal statutes to deliver real justice.  First, it ruled in favour of decriminalising suicide, pointing out that one who attempts suicide was in desperate need of help and punishing him would be unfair.  In another case, it ruled that a woman and her family cannot be treated as an accused under the Dowry Prohibition Act for giving dowry at the time of marriage.  The woman is a victim of not culpable, it said.

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As a judiciary refuses to treat victims of crime as criminals themselves, the time is ripe to push for immunity for bribe-givers who are essentially victims.  I only hope that we do not get distracted by these high-profile, high-value bribery cases that shake up the national imagination.

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Even if it sounds unfair, immunity to all bribe-givers may work.  If the bribe-taker knows that he can be safely put away by the bribe-giver at any time, he may be less likely to accept so graciously.  The fact remains that no one can force a bribe down your throat - but a bribe-taker can indeed withhold services or endanger lives to force the giver to bribe him.  The two are never on par.

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Of course, it may seem more civilised to have a case-by-case evaluation of which bribe-giver gets immunity and which does not.  Sadly, that allows too much discretionary powers to decision makers.  Usually, in our country, discretionary powers are not conducive to justice.  They are used merely for profit.

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Why on earth did the silly old cash-for-votes scam have to erupt now?  Nah, our bad luck is worst only.......................  ANTRA DEV SEN is editor of The Little Magazine.  She can be contacted at :  sen@littlemag.com

How To Develop A Good Self-Image

We all tend to think too little of ourselves, and so we fail to achieve more than a fraction of our true potential.

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The self-image is the key to human personality.  Change the self-image and you change the personality and the behaviour.

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We always act in accordance with our self-image, and our feelings and behaviour are always consistent with this inner picture of ourselves.  This is the blue print from which our subconscious mind works.

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Be entirely positive.  List only your good points.  Write down the things that you can do.  The things that you are better than others.  The things you are proud of.

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Constantly work at the idea of a new positive attitude.

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Be sure, therefore, to picture strongly to yourself the kind of person you wish to be.

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Mentally see yourself acting with courage and determination in the given situation.  Do this repeatedly and you will soon form a habit of acting courageously.

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Try to picture yourself as an outgoing, friendly person when others love to be with you.

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It is the little things you do each day - the way you react to what is happening, how you develop good feeling for others, what you are constantly thinking about yourself, and how this expresses itself through you day-by-day - that gradually builds up your self-image.

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Do you think that I will be of any use to my students in developing their personality? _Question asked by a teacher.

Answer:

Certainly, you are the right person for this job.  It is your good fortune that you have chosen such a noble profession.  There is great praise for a teacher in our scriptures.  In one of the Sanskrit hymns, the teacher is compared with Brahma, Vishnu, and Maheshvara.  Therefore, you should never forget that you are doing a great service in moulding the lives and characters of numerous students within the four walls of the classroom.  Students come to you with great expectations that they will get something purposeful in life from you.  Your duty is not only to teach them syllabus, but to help them in building character.  Students coming out from educational institutions with character and integrity alone can build this great nation.  If you can do that in your humble way, you will be doing immense service to your nation and to the youth.

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A lit candle alone can light another.  Therefore, at the very outset, you must have firm conviction in the power of goodness; and it should express through your life and character.  Sri Krishna says in the Bhagavad-Gita (3:21).  "What ever a great leader does, other persons do that very thing!  Whichever standard he sets, the world follows it."  Your life itself will be a great source of inspiration for the students.  Teaching without practising will not produce any positive results.  Modern students are very intelligent.  They will watch your life and character.  If they do not find those things in practice, they will not care for your words.

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If you sincerely love your students, and are really interested in their welfare, they will certainly follow your footsteps.  You must develop infinite patience and forbearance.  Never find fault with your students for their shortcomings and mistakes, rather highlight their good qualities and successes.  Swami Vivekananda said : "If you speak kind words to boys and encourage them, they are bound to improve in time.  If you can give them positive ideas, people will grow up to be men and learn to stand on their own legs.  In language and literature, in poetry and art, in everything we must point out not the mistakes that people are making in their thoughts and actions, but the way in which they will gradually be able to do these things better.  Pointing out mistakes wounds a man's feelings.  We have seen how Sri Ramakrishna would encourage even those whom we considered as worthless and change the very course of their lives thereby!  His very method of teaching was a unique phenomenon.  He never destroyed a single man's special inclinations.  He gave words of hope and encouragement even to the most degraded of persons and lifted them up.  We, too, must follow in his footsteps and lift all up and rouse them."

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You should be able to enter into the hearts of your students.  They should find in you their friend, philosopher, and guide.  Then alone will they open their hearts and freely express their problems.  Your approach to their problems should be positive, and you should try your utmost to help them in solving their problems, if it is within your reach.  This intimacy and mutual love and affection will strengthen the relationship between the taught and the teacher.  Once you put them on right track, they will grow up as real men and women of character and integrity.  They will remain grateful to you throughout their lives for your great service rendered to them.  For you, there will be job satisfaction bringing in peace and happiness alround. _Swami Srikanthananda

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Our children are so sensitive that we are afraid of telling them anything. We do not know how they will react. How should we deal with them?._ Question asked by a Parent

Answer :

The first thing is to set an example through one's own life.  If your life is pure and disciplined, even without your telling they will assimilate those qualities.  Secondly, you must give them certain amount of freedom.  Do not try to be a policeman, always watching and suspecting their movements.  At the same time, you must keep a watch over them from a distance.  If you sense something wrong with them, first verify the truth before arriving at a conclusion.  You can easily collect the facts from their teachers and friends by occasionally visiting their working place or school or college.  No human being is perfect.  It is our nature to make mistakes.  No one does it intentionally; it is out of ignorance.  Naturally, children due to their lack of experience in this world will commit mistakes.  You must learn to forgive them.  "To err is human, but to forgive is divine", so goes a popular saying.  After a certain age, they should be treated as friends and handled with great love and respect.  As far as possible, do not take recourse to corporeal punishment and harsh scolding.  Develop tremendous patience to correct them in a friendly way.  Your genuine love and concern for them will certainly bring about a change in their behaviour.  Give them positive ideas, good literature to study, expose them to good surroundings.  Once you provide them with good food, they will not go in search of bad._ Swami Srikanthananda.

Good Sayings ABSORPTION

Children, we are told, absorbe the best things in literature.

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Every individual not only absorbes his culture, he passes it on with modifications. _Stuart Chase

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The ability to absorbe things that are beautiful is born along with one's birth. _T.S. Subramanian

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India has always absorbed all that is highest and noblest and true. _G.Francis.

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Good Sayings ABSENCE

Absence from whom we love is worse than death. _William Cowper

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Absence is to love that wind is to fire :  It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. _Compte De Bussy

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Judicious absence is a weapon. _Charles Reade

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Absence extinguishes the small passions and increases great ones, as the wind will blow out a candle and blow in a fire. _La Rochefoucauld

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Failing to be there when a man wants her is a woman's greatest sin, except to be there when he doesn't want her. _Halen Rowland

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Absence makes the heart grow founder. _Thomas H. Bayly

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The absent are always in the wrong. _Phillippe Destouches

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GOOD SAYINGS... ABILITY ..

There is something that is much more scarce, something rather than ability.  It is the ability to recognize ability._ ROBERT HALF

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Do what you can, with what you have, where are you. _THEODERE ROOSEVELT

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Natural abilities are like natural plants that need pruning by study. _SIR FRANCIS BACON

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Natural ability without education has more often raised a man to glory and virtue than education without natural ability. _CICERO

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Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. _ARISTIPPUS

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A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything. _SAMUEL JOHNSON

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Since we cannot know all that is to be known of everything, we ought to know a little of everything. _PASCAL

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Men take only their needs into consideration - never their abilities. _NAPOLEON BONAPARTE

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For a clever child without means, the need may well be to help develop his abilities.

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It is no use having a big bank balances unless one is ABLE to draw on it. _Dr.T.N. KRISHNASWAMI

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Achievement is not always commensurate with ability. _PAUL E. CAMPBELL

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Many creatures have greater ability in one director or another. Arthur Osborne

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People change, as do their attitudes, ambitions and abilities.

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A distorted view of one's abilities can make it hard to cope with the real world. ALISON GARDNER

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The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. _EDWARD GIBBON

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There is great ability in knowing how to conceal one's ability. LA ROCHEFOUCAULD

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Ability is poor man's wealth. _M. WREN

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Ability to concentrate is the prime virtue in any research establishment. _E.F. RUSSELL

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There is no interest without knowledge, and knowledge is acquired by those having ability to acquired it. _EDGAR SCHMIEEDELER

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Ability determines training, and training may give rise to interest. _EDGAR SCHMIEEDELER

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Ability is of little account without opportunity. _NAPOLEON BOANAPARTE

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Ability gives relief to the body as well as to the mind. _A.F. HARRISON

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There is increasing dissatisfaction with disease and disability.