How To Tackle The Green - Eyed Monster _ MANI SHANKAR

I am all J over the way my ex-GF is making out with another guy and burning up with rage for weeks.  Can't think of anything else.  Help._ A teenager.

 ***

I am going to make a scalpel out of my pen and harsh as it may seem, do a surgical incision.  J kills.  Yup.  But you know that already and you seem to want exactly that - to be drowned in such stupor that you begin to die slowly inside.  You get so obsessed that you secretly want all vestiges of compassion and camaraderie to get snuffed out of existence.  As emotions go jealously is among the more jealous of emotions.  It leaves no room for any other mood to exist.  Sure it satisfies you in certain obscure ways, just as a cigarette satisfies the smoker - in some obscure way.

***

Ask a smoker exactly what pleasure he derives and he will be at a loss to explain - same with jealousy.  You can't explain why at every moment your mind drifts towards morbid fantasies but you sure do get a grim satisfaction from the addiction.  Make no mistake, once it takes it grip like a python coiling around a rat - it suffocates the life breath of goodness and smothers you to a horrible heart-death.  You become a shell of a person with no warmth, no humour, no happiness left.  Are you sure you want to get cured?  Had enough?

***

Then stop feeling so self-important, stop feeling you are the centre of the universe around whom everyone should revolve.  Change the fulcrum of your existence.  Rise into a protecting nurturing wisdom.  Grant people the right to love others, to make love to others.  Grant people the right to see through you, to get fed up with you, to walk out on you.  Truly nobody is your own in this world.  Wow.  That was very harsh, yes, and I need to say it again with a smile.  Nobody is your own in this world.  Just because society said the two of you are a couple doesn't take away from the other the right to think otherwise.  Your real option is to free the other and set yourself free in the process.

***

You have arrived at a crossroad and two paths lie before you.  The first is the smooth well traveled highway of jealous burning.  If you don't take the harder road of forgiveness now, someday when the juices run dry and you shrivel up inside into a brittle twig of your former self, the truth will hit you in the face.  You will understand that it was far better to have become humble, accepted your insignificance and walker away a free person than to have burnt into black toast with the raging fires of envy.

***

The smart guy knows when to fume and rage and when to shrug and walk away.  The intelligent guy knows when to let pride flow into him and when to let pride flow away from him.  This soft skill of handling jealously is critical and life saving, friend.  Learn it well and live to love another day.

************

"MANISHANKAR, THE AUTHOR, A DIRECTOR, HELPS THE YOUTH STRIKE A BALANCE IN THEIR RELATION SHIPS................"

Impatience Of The Future Makes You Miss Present... Queenie-tessential

We jumped into the cab to catch the movie Total Recall.  We were headed for a crowded area called Bugis Junction in Singapore.  "Hurry up, please," my friends told the cab driver, "or we will miss our movie."  The cab driver glanced back at us dismisively and then shook his head.  "I can't go any faster than this.  Can't you see the clazy (crazy) tlaffic (traffic)?"  he said pronouncing his r's as l's and vice versa.  "I could go zooming through if I had a Fellali," he continued.  "In a Fellali I could get you there soon, could even get you to heaven."  He added laughing loudly and nodding at the same time.  "All luch people in a hully to go up, that's why they buy a Fellali" he let out that laugh again.  "Okay, okay," said my friend who was with me getting impatient with his monologue and said that we may not make to the movie, "You drive as you like but we need to go soon and maybe if you focus on the road, we will get there."

***

He looked back at us again visibly amused.  "Only a hericopter can take you through the tlaffic," he nodded "That is the way of the lich.  They are not satisfied, you see.  Even the Fellali becomes slow for them, and then they buy a helicopter.  Soon hericopter becomes slow.  Then they must have a plane.  Money buys everything.  Money buys love," he laughed.

***

It was obvious the man was in pain and had suffered "No money, no honey.  Love cannot buy money, but money can buy love," he forced his laugh this time.  "No money, No love."

***

By now, we had decided not to go for the movie and instructed the driver to take a U-turn and drop us back to where he had picked us up.  I relaxed back on my seat, now no more in a rush and started talking to him.  "What about your love?"  I asked him.  "My wife was my love," he paused for a bit as if suddenly lost.  "I worked hard all day and gave her everything I had.  I bought her a house.  She wanted more.  I gave her more.  But she wanted more and more.  She forgot about me.  She wanted to be lich, and could not understand why she was not lich.  She wanted to leach the sky.  No money no honey," he said, and for the first time his tone became sad.  "But now" he almost shouted "Ican buy a lot of butterfries with money.  I can buy love."  It took me a few moments to understand the term 'butterfries'.  For a moment I argued, "That is not love."  He laughed "What is it lady, what is love?"

***

No doubt, our taxi driver was a bit "touched" in the head, although our conversation was a bit crazy, there was food for thought in what he said.  Suddenly, as if brought back to the present moment about time and traffic, he said, "Nothing is the same any more about people.  See how impatient your friends are.  Train them to be calm.  Do yoga," he laughed "I drive people everyday.  They are stressed about time and traffic.  These things are not in their or my control."  I nodded agreeing.  "Look how much time you and your friends wasted telling me to hurry.  So busy looking ahead that you lost the present."  I could go on talking to him.  We reached our destination.

***

We paid him and I knew I would never see him again.  It was a most interesting journey.  Even though we never reached where we were originally headed.

***

"I am happy now.  I changed my way of life and allowed people who were not happy with me to leave and go to what made them happier.  And now," he laughed again, "there are many butterfries to give me love," looking pleased with his ability to have found peace and clarity - so what if it was through coloured lenses?..............

Discard Mental Baggage _ Mani Shankar

You want to harness the power of your mind to alter your reality, yes?  That's really an invitation to chaos.  Lots of people are in the market, offering quick and easy solutions.  You flow into them with anticipation and excitement.  You follow their prescribed formulae, their chants and utterances, wear their beads, read their books, watch their DVDs, dress as per their code, hang on to their every word, hoping, pleading, fantasizing.  It's a pointless journey, just leading you deeper into delusion.  Years later you find yourself at the same spot where you started - clueless, a bit confused, with a sneaky suspicion that nothing really happened outside your imagination.  Your reality was never altered, you are still the same guy, and the world around you is just as it was.

***

This is the undiluted truth.  There is no quick-fix solutions to altering your reality, no magic mantras you can utter.  Know the frog doesn't turn into a prince with a kiss.  Know the world doesn't change with the wave of a wand.  Know clothes can't make you richer, wiser or luckier than you would otherwise be.  The sooner you start accepting this bittersweet truth, the better off you will be.

***

I said bittersweet because there are two opposing layers inside this revelation.  The first is disappointing when you finally understand that there are no quick-fix solutions.  The second is elevating - when you finally understand that nobody outside you has the power to change your world, and so it's time to get acquainted with that stranger within - your mind.

***

The quality of mind is that it operates at several levels simultaneously.  All you have been able to access so far is the most superficial surface.  This is the world of thoughts, words, hopes, wishes, daydreams and dreams.  Remember, everything you read, hear and see translates itself into mental constructs, as thoughts.  What is a thought?  It's a mental projection of some input you have grasped.  Thoughts are the extension of your senses, they are the first line of defence you have when dealing with the world.

***

Having thoughts are very important.  But there is such a thing called excess of thought.  This happens when, like jungles, they take over our minds, growing wildly, completely beyond our control.  Now the mind starts losing its ability to conjure a thought, consider it and then make it fade it away.  Thoughts start roaming through the mind like bandits, creating havoc at will.  The mind surrenders, eventually becomes a slave of its own thoughts.  Add to this the chaos of the Age of marketing Madness we live in - where everyday you are exposed to a thousand needless desires, baseless fears and mental conditioning.  It's enough to make a sane guy crazy.  But you have already made yourself crazy, and the result is that your fears and hopes create thoughts that recur in endless loops, making you salivate, palpitate, ruminate, agitate and decimate your potential to even address your reality.  Your ability to alter that reality through the mind is now a far dream.   

 ***

The time has come to take you beyond thought, into deeper, purer levels inside yourself.  The time has come to leave this chaos behind and rise into higher levels of being within.  You can't do it by attaching yourself to more books and chants and shibboleths.  You can only do it by gently leaving it all behind - by dropping the mental baggage, until the sheer lightness of being makes you float away.....

Does Black Magic Exist?... RAM GOPAL VARMA

THE ACE FILM DIRECTOR AND PRODUCER DIGS INTO ALL THINGS GOOD, BAD AND UGLY IN REAL LIFE AND REEL LIFE......

***

I am sure fear stems from the threat of emotional or physical violence.  This fear is heightened, especially if it comes from an unknown or unfathomable source.

***

If you are aware of the motivations of the threatening force, you won't be half as scared.  For example, you will be chilled to the bone on being confronted by a snake but if your can recognise the species and know how its poison can affect your system, instead of being scared you will think of ways of escaping it or killing it.

***

Belief in God primarily comes out of fear.  We don't trust our family, friends, the police or the government to protect us.  Hence, we desperately believe in a force which will protect us.  Hence, we desperately believe in a force which will protect us in every which way.  In order to feel the power of God, we invent and pitch his power against a counterpoint.  Thus, evil forces like demons, the devil and black magic are created.

***

Black magic is supposedly used to hurt or kill an enemy by either practicing it or hiring its practitioners.  Whether it exists or not, nobody can tell, but I am stunned by the sheer number of people who believe in it despite their education and intelligence.  When they cannot understand the reasons behind negative events, they start believing in black magic.

***

I know of a certain actor who was seeing a girl whom his parents disapproved of intensely.  Unable to break their relationship and refusing to see the negative traits of their own son, the parents were convinced that the girl practised black magic.  They were even terrified of seeing her pictures in the magazines and newspapers.

***

In the West, there is much talk about making someone you hate suffer by pricking needles and pins into a voodoo doll.  In India, the most common cure happens to be a witch doctor or exorcist.

***

Now this exorcist can be different depending on the person he has to cure.  There are godmen, minor and major, who will offer panaceas, paper chits and amulets and soon assume cult status.

***

In the case of rural areas and the underprivileged sections even in cities, these exorcists come with bodies covered in ash, their long hair braided and coloured.  They carry small brooms, little drums and perform high-pitched prayers before the affected person.  This practice has been around for centuries but I do wonder about the success ratio of these self-styled exorcists.

***

Frankly, I am shaken by fear also.  On returning home after a long trip, I wonder if there is an invisible, malevolent presence in my house.  On a highway when I see a truck being driven towards my car at a crazy speed, I fear that the devil may be in it, and will wipe me out from the face of the earth.

***

Mercifully, such paranoid thoughts only last for a split second.  Because I know the cure.  I just tell myself, "Why should you be afraid?  You're quite a devil yourself."

***

Try it, it works...... RAM GOPAL VARMA....

The Power of Self... SUDHA UMASHANKER

THE WRITER HAS A KEEN INTEREST IN THE STUDY AND APPLICATION OF SPIRITUALITY AND PHILOSOPHIES FOR SOLVING THE REAL-LIFE PROBLEMS OF THE MODERN WORLD...

***

All great things in life begin with a belief, a dream or vision and a never-say-die spirit.  Youth is an age when one fervently believes one can change the world order and usher in a new way of doing things.  It is a phase in life when one's head is full of dreams, of the peaks one wants to conquer, the goals and targets one is chasing and the unconventional choices one would like to make.  Which is as it should be, for all things worthwhile begin that way.  Remember Martin Luther King and his famous words?  "I have a dream."  And as Napoleon Hill, inspirational thinker, author of books on success, positive thinking and such subjects and who drew inspiration from his son who was born without ears but grew up to lead a normal life, said, "What the mind can conceive and believe it can truly achieve."

***

Focused, single-minded determination and the grit to keep at it even when the chips are down is what ultimately translates to the actualisation of a dream.  As our spiritual masters point out, karmic patterns can be changed by hanging in there and persisting, unfazed by temporary hurdles.  God helps those who help themselves.

***

The way to negate bad karma is simple - do good karma.  In addition, an unshakeable belief in one's ideas, even if everyone around is sceptical or ready to write you off, is also vital.  Patience is yet another virtue work cultivating.  Just like Rome was not built in a day, anything worthwhile cannot be accomplished overnight.  Two important and useful tools in the realisation of one's beliefs are creative visualisation and affirmation.

***

As Shakthi Gawain, spiritual author says, "Creative visualisation is really nothing but using your natural imagination - the basic creative energy in the universe - to create what you want in your life.  The problem is that we use it more to anticipate problems, imagine difficulties and roadblocks."

***

Let's say you are not happy in your current job.  Visualise yourself  in a new (read ideal) job.  Picture yourself at work doing what you love and excelling at it.  Add all the little details, what kind of office it is; the people you are meeting with, etc.  Do it vividly in your head.  If your desire and intention to make a change are clear, the chances are high that it will happen pretty soon.  For creative visualisation to work effectively it is important to relax completely.

***

Explaining how this happens shakti Gawain says, "When your body and mind are deeply relaxed your brain wave pattern changes and becomes slower.  This deeper slower level is called the alpha level while your usual busy waking consciousness is called the beta level.  Alpha level is a very healthy state of consciousness because of its relaxing effect on the mind and body."  The bottom line is when  you want to create real changes in life, using creative visualisation at the alpha level is more effective than operating at the beta level - thinking, worrying, planning and trying to get people around to do what you want.

***

While creative visualisation is more graphic and involves mental imagery, an affirmation on the other hand is a positive statement that something is already so.  It is stating something that you want as if it has already happened.  Like, "Iam attracting all the right people into my life".  "I now have a wonderful new job".

***

Let go of any doubts or disbelief when you use affirmations.  For as Sri Paramahansa Yogananda tells us, "Every negative thought or worry or fearful thought cuts subtle grooves in the brain cells and attracts just what we don't want.  Repeat your affirmations first loudly, then softly and more slowly until your voice becomes a whisper, then only mentally."

***

As you go deeper past your subconscious, you begin to experience a sense of peace and your affirmation goes deeper into the super conscious realm and subsequently influences your conscious desire and leads to the actualisation of your dreams.

***

Refrain from running through the affirmations mechanically but state them with determination, devotion and clarity of purpose.  The best time for affirmations is in the morning immediately after waking or just before bedtime.  Affirmations should be used in alignment with our highest goals and purposes and for the highest good of all things.  While a strong sense of self and "I" are big confidence boosters, one must realise that for affirmations to translate into reality, a strong anchorage in the higher self is an absolute must.  While psychology plays a part ultimately, it's really about the power of consciousness over the body and mind.

***

"IT MAY SOUND PHILOSOPHICAL BUT WHAT THE MIND CAN CONCEIVE AND BELIEVE, IT CAN TRULY ACHIEVE..."

Derail Your Negative Thoughts... ANUPAM KHER

THE RENOWNED ACTOR DECODES THE FINER NUANCES OF HUMAN PSYCHE AND BEHAVIOUR AND SHOWS THE ROUTE TO SELF-IMPROVEMENT...

***

One of the enduring issues of contemporary life is that there are too many negative things happening, and too few positives.  Whether you open the news papers or watch the news on television or just look around you, you will see that the number of bad guys far outnumber the good guys.  And the sad part is that it is becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish the good from the bad.

***

In a world bereft of role models, where the mass media confuses rather then analyses, the negatives are coming across as more alluring and exciting; the good is looking boring.  Apart from the obvious confusion of values, the other aspect is the increasing amount of people who are beginning to feel negative in their outlook.

***

Last month I met a woman in her twenties, who is in the advertising business and is typical of many people of her generation.  She confessed to me that she was very negative in her attitude; about people, about relationships and about her future.  It was not that she was a victim of some unfortunate circumstances; far from it.  But just looking at the world around her; and at her colleagues and at the entire business of media hyping the wrong people and ignoring the right ones, and had made her sick to her gills.  It had come to a stage where she could see nothing positive in anything that happened to her.

***

She is not alone.  Actually, she may just be a cynic and not a negative personality.  But the loneliness of the big cities, where youngsters follow dreams, is a recipe for negativism and depression to flourish.  Many people I meet are consumed with depression to flourish.  Many people I meet are consumed with depressive thoughts like, "Nothing good will come out of this interview."  "I can never get this job... I am a born loser."  Such feelings are self-fulfilling and ultimately strangulate the personality they feed on.

***

The sad part is that thoughts do not remain mere thoughts.  What is little known is that our thoughts trigger off chemicals in our brains which send electrical impulses across the brain and create neural pathways.  The more we keep getting such negative thoughts, the more our brain keeps getting hardwired to being receptive to such thoughts.  So the trick is to break them.

***

I have already mentioned in my earlier column the concept of reciting backwards the numerals from 50 to one.  Such an exercise breaks our thought process and forces us to focus on the count.  Another method is to chant a poem or a hymn or a mantra to derail the negative thought.  To break the negative thought process, think of the positives in your life or any happy event.  Like your last vacation, or the fun-filled party you attended.  Or just the happy and warm moments you shared with your family.

***

And finally, one of the most important things to do is to have a circle of positive friends who will bolster you with optimism.  That is why they say, "Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you what you are!".................

TO BREAK THE NEGATIVE THOUGHT PROCESS, THINK OF THE POSITIVES IN YOUR LIFE OR ANY HAPPY EVENT.....

Unite With The Supreme Force.. MALLIKA BHATIA

THE WRITER IS A COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGIST AND A HOLISTIC HEALER.  HER WORK REVOLVES AROUND HELPING PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THEIR FEELINGS...

***

So 2012 is here!  We hope you and your loved ones have a brilliant year ahead.  But tell me, what was the first thing you did today after you woke up?  Did you check all the mess left behind after the party last night?  Did you solemnly vow to follow all the resolutions you made?  Or did you pray to God for this year to be fulfilling in all the ways that you have planned?

***

Most of us being every new event with a prayer.  It could be in the form of a havan when we move into a new house or office; a simple aarti on a day we consider important and auspicious; salat five times a day, the first of which is also at the very beginning of the day or the mass on Sundays or special days or a paath.

***

There are many other forms of prayer depending on our religious and personal beliefs.  Some of us like to pray with rituals, for some it is as simple as lighting a candle or incense and for some others it is just a silent conversation in our minds with our God.  The fact is whatever our form of prayer is, the intention is always the same: for our prayers to be answered.

***

Our styles of praying reflect our beliefs and perceptions about God, they also reflect how we internally and externally connect with God and how we connect with ourselves.  Some of us believe that God is a higher entity, somewhere up there, looking at us and our actions, some believe that God is within and we are completely one with Him.  That He speaks to us and through us.  Some believe that God chooses special people to speak to us - gurus, saints.  Even in all these beliefs the common factors is the intent to get what we desire through varied forms of prayer.

***

The important thing to focus on is what do we pray for?  Do we mostly only ask for new material possessions like a new car, house or the latest version of an iPad or iPhone?  Or do we ask for learning, growth, success, abundance and happiness?

***

There is truly no harm in asking for material things like i-gadgets as long as we remember that the most important and common aspect of all these i-gadgets is the "I".

***

If we can focus on the "I" and its growth, we will always get abundance in most aspects of our lives.  Happiness will flow, satisfaction, peace and success will bow to us.

***

So when you pray, make sure you choose your prayer wisely.  Be careful of what you ask for because the chances that you might get it are high.

***

Pray for yourself and for others.  Value what you have and value the power of prayer.  If you ever find yourself doubting the value of prayer, as its value to the family members of seriously ill patients.  And always remember, I dram.  I achieve, I pray because I am..... MALLIKA BHATIA

VOW TO CHERISH AND LOVE MYSELF BEYOND ANYTHING.. Mani Shankar

Inspire myself with myself.  Not with hollow words or empty gazes into vacant spaces but with the silent energy of my vital being.  I am my only true friend and companion.  I am both - the alpha and omega - the beginning and end of me.  I know that when I am gone, this Universe I see and know shall have gone with me, yet I recklessly throw away each day without inspiring myself.  Every day when I wake up, I look seemingly whole, but get broken into pieces as the day progresses.  By night, I am torn and fragmented.  All day I don so many masks before the many masks of others, become so many people to so many people, I sometimes don't know who I am anymore.  Enough.  From this day I shall not tear myself out of fear or anger, or if I do, I shall patiently re-join the fragments with love until I am whole again.

***

I shall cherish my family, honour my friends and I shall enjoy this world, but above all, I shall love myself deeply.  I shall love the spirit of life that flows out of my body, the deep intelligence that created me, pumped this heart to feel the gladness pouring out of my being.

***

No. girlfriend or boyfriend, lover, husband wife, father, mother, daughter or son, no books, no website, no text messages, no news, no TV channels or columns of newspapers can ever know me as much as I know myself.  They are my links to the world, but they also sometimes hook me with the bright bait of desire, they make me salivate to wants that are not my wants, make me a slave to passions that never rose from my heart in the first place.  This is the primary seed of confusion, the main cause of agony.  All these desires that are not my desires, these goals that are not my goals - and this madness that arises from the fear that I will never live up to the world's expectation of me.
***
I abandon the expectations of this world.  I shall only live to fulfill the passions that pour out of my own heart, utter words that speak through my own voice and realise desires that bear the true signature of my being.
***
I inspire myself with the rhythms of my own heart.  I shall listen to what it tries to tell me in its soft beats, ask questions and wait till I hear replies in signs, songs and clues, till I feel gently awakened to the desires that flow in the deep rivers of my being.  I shall follow the song of my heart from this day.  I shall only do what inspires me, what motivates me, what makes me deeply happy - for that is the only way I shall be true to myself and this world.
***
The future is never a mystery to those who care to see it clearly infold in their hearts.  I will see myself not only as who I am, but also always as who I want to be.
***
I inspire myself with myself.  Heart with mind.  Action with passion.  And above all, life with love deep enduring love that is the silent energy of my vital being.
***
FROM THIS DAY I SHALL NOT TEAR MYSELF OUT OF FEAR AND ANGER, OR IF I DO, I SHALL RE-JOIN THE FRAGMENTS WITH LOVE UNTIL I AM WHOLE AGAIN......

Get Out Of The Rut Of Materialistic Greed .... Queenie-tessential

Roti, Kapda Aur Makaan: the three necessities of life that we take for granted.  In fact, not only do we assume they will always be there, but we take them to a new level, where they no longer are a necessity, but a luxury.  What happens when it is taken away from your?  When you don't know where you will sleep tonight or where your next meal will come from, or if your are left with one pair of clothes to survive?  Ever thought of that?

***

Rohit (Timmy) Narang challenged himself by doing a TV challenged himself by doing a TV programme where he would have none of the above.  Timmy runs Ambassador Sky Catering, where they provide thousands of meals per day.  Ironically, he was chasing a grain of rice not knowing when and where he would get his next meal.  "We seed food on plates being wasted.  None of us blink at it.  We go to fancy restaurants and pay dollars for gourmet food.  Imagine if you don't know when and how you will find a morsel of food," he said, narrating his recent experience.  "Your attitude in life changes.  Your behavior towards people change.  You are in survivor mode, and all you care about it how will you feed yourself."

***

We sleep on comfortable beds in our air-conditioned rooms.  We aspire for bigger homes and furniture that spell luxury.  Even pillows today have their own hierarchy.  "What if you really don't know where you will rest your tired body?"  Timmy asked.  The world of luxury has hit us like a hurricane.  Clothes have to be stylish and branded, otherwise they are not up to the mark.  "I probably have clothes that are lying for years in my closet with tags still on them," he laughed.  "The funny thing is the more we have, the more we think about it and the more complicated our lives become."

***

The experience has changed Timmy completely.  "I now worry about my driver's meal times," he said, referring to how many times we overlook the fact that those who work for us may not have eaten till late in the day.

***

"We have way more than we need.  If we really reflect on our lives, we need so much less than we have.  Life is so much simpler and better when you are out of this rut."

***

"But you knew the experience would be temporary?"  I asked him.  He paused and answered, "Yes, it was temporary, but when someone like me, who has been a stickler for nutrition and good food which I have every few hours, gets none... all this become a reality," he said.

***

"My friends mocked me when I planned on going for this," he reminisced.  "Today, I feel a strength within me that is powerful.  I know I can live without materialistic greed," he said to me convincingly.

***

"It's time to reflect," he said, "To give back to people who don't have all this.  Not with money, but real food, clothes and shelter.  Unfortunately money sometimes does not reach them," he said.  "We have much more than we need.  We have to prioritise and it's time for me to make people who don't have 'roti, kapda nor makaan' feel better," he said, with a positive spirit.........

Makings Of A Great Hero.... MANI SHANKAR

I get up every morning and tell myself I want to enjoy life at office today.  But I end up preoccupied, nervous or just plain sad.  At night, I look back and realise that I failed once again.  Tell me how to enjoy life.  Make it a short answer, something I can hold in my heart.............. -- Divya, Age 26

*** 

Swami Vivekananda once famously said, "This world can only be enjoyed by Heroes."  Nobody said it better.  So, if you want to enjoy your life, be a Hero.  That's your short answer.  Hold that in your heart everyday.

***

Now, for the long explanation.  For starters, "Hero" isn't gender specific.  It doesn't mean a male matinee idol.  It doesn't mean a sports sensation or a rock star.  It doesn't mean the celebrities, the champions or the men we sometimes wished we were.  A hero is none of them.  Hero is actually a state of mind.  It's your response to the world - your reflection of your inner-self.

***

How do you become a hero?  To begin with, be on good terms with all persons, with the world, with the situation you find yourself in right now.  A hero never rages against reality.  She accepts her reality even as she moves to change it.  Anger isn't her favorite emotion.  She is calm, in the face of adversity, has the strength to smile when others feel the need to cry.

***

A hero never compares herself to others.  She knows that there will always be someone better, fairer, sexier, smarter, richer, more successful than herself.  She has the courage to feel good about anyone who is in that list, and has the strength not to let them shake her aim or goal.

***

A hero is interested in her own career, however humble it may seem.  She knows the world has a way of putting down everyone.  She will learn to ignore the world and pursue whatever she does till she does it fantastically well, for she knows that is the gateway to future success.

***

A hero is always looking for virtues in others.  Even though she knows there are more frauds than good people, she is never hesitant to seek and praise goodness, greatness or any other virtue in anyone.  She can do that because she is confident of herself.  Her foundations are rock solid within, and this liberates her.  She is nobody's fool.  When she cuts someone down, it is with minimum force - done with poise and grace.

***

A hero is gentle on herself.  She knows how precious her life is, how beautiful all life is.  She knows she is a visitor to this planet, here on a short holiday, and it's important to have fun in every moment.  So nothing really needs to be taken very seriously.

***

She is smart enough to know that if she doesn't live her present moment in happiness, she isn't likely to live the future moment either. 

***

So look at yourself every morning, Divya, look at the inner self, look at the true your, till a radiant smile spreads across your face.  You know you are a hero.  You will live today like a hero.

***

Nothing and nobody will come in your way, for you hold the keys to your life, and your happiness is solely in your hands.  Now go ahead and have a truly great day.... 

Don't cry over challenges ... MANI SHANKAR...

ANY ONE WHO LOSES CANNOT BE CALLED A LOSER.  BUT THE GUY WHO GIVES UP WITHOUT EVEN TRYING IS  A REAL LOSER
When will our society arrive at a stage where people are not labelled winners and losers?  Why are we always pitted against each other, made to compete for everything?  Why do we make life so damn tough for others?  I need to know this immediately," says 14 year-old Prithvi.
***
Despite the philosophical nature of the questions you have raised.  I am quite sure that one of the three things has recently happened to you:
1.  You performed badly in a test or exam.
2.  Some girl you fancied told you to get lost.
3.  An older sibling, a teacher or a parent scolded you or called you a "loser" for something  you did or did not do.
***
Even if none of these things have happened, get the word "loser" out of your head, now and forever.  It should no longer exist in your vocabulary.  Here's why.  There is a serious difference between losing and being a loser.  Anyone and everyone who loses cannot be called a loser.  In fact, no one who loses can be termed a loser.  But the guy who gives up without even trying is a real loser.
***
We compete for everything because as humans, we are programmed to be eternally dissatisfied with whatever we have.  It's in our nature to fight with each other all the time.  But don't let that worry you.  Conflict is a fact of life.  Better prepare for it.
***
Don't get philosophical and start feeling sad about the world either, for only stiff competition can bring out the best in you, sharpen your mind, strengthen your sinews, make a real man out of you.
***
So whether it's the exam hall or the cineplex mall, you are going to be competing for marks, for chicks, for attention, for practically everything.  You can't get soft on the world and cry about why we make life so tough for ourselves.
***
Life would be boring without the spice of challenge, without obstacles and conflicts.  Imagine if every boy had a proper girlfriend and everyone was going steady all the time... yuck!  Where
s the spice of getting a "look" from someone who is already "booked"?  Life would be like driving a thousand miles on a road that goes straight on a plain flat countryside.  Where's the scenery, where are the bends and turns, the bumps and uphill climbs?
***
If you have absolutely everything you want in life and there was nothing more to aspire for, you would die out of sheer boredom.  If you have nothing in life and have given up wanting any thing, your brain would shrink and wither away.  So stop snivelling about life and become tough.
***
We all need an identity for ourselves.  When you grow older, you need to look back and mark the milestones of your life and say "here is where I wrote my entrance exam", or "on this day I won that trophy" or even "I was wearing this shirt when she walked out of my life", or "on this very place we lost the finals".  All those milestones are nothing but obstacles you managed to overcome, or which overwhelmed you.  Either  way, they are great moments that defined your life.
***
So friend, forget about defeat and victory.  Concentrate on being there and doing that.  In life, even losing something after heroically trying is a very great achievement. 
***
So stuff the philosophy and get your ass cracking.  Sweat it out, bury your head in that book, get your sleeves dirty, whatever.  Just get real with life......
"WE COMPETE FOR EVERYTHING BECAUSE WE ARE PROGRAMMED TO BE ETERNALLY DISSATISFIED WITH WHATEVER WE HAVE.  BUT DON'T LET THAT WORRY YOU.  CONFLICT IS A FACT OF LIFE."
*******************....... MANI SHANKAR.. The author, a film, director, will help the youth strike a balance in their relationships.... 

Allot Worry A Small Slot In Mental Circuit... ANUPAM KHER

The renowned actor decodes the finer nuances of human psyche and behaviour and shows the route to self-improvement...

Anxiety has never been judged as a positive emotion.  It is linked with everything that is worthy of being discarded - nervousness, worry, stress and many more.  People with the anxiety syndrome are not too difficult to detect either.

***

They are tense, edgy, have a nervous look about them and they display a giveaway sometimes.  Like nervously biting their nails, or even chewing a handkerchief.  For them, life is a series of worries; will their child come back safely from school, will their children pass in their exams this year, do you think the maid is thinking about quitting her job?

***

And the worries are not just about the todays.  They stretch into tomorrows and the days after.  Will the children find suitable life partners, will the spouse remain faithful to them when they grow old, what happenes if they contract a life threatening disease?

***

In contrast, there are the what-me-care types; the people who have never known a worry.  They go through life blithely, having never known what a crinkled frown is.  You may think that such people are darned lucky.  But pause awhile and consider the baggage that such an attitude brings.

***

They never review their lives, never look back in introspection - let alone in anger - they just coast along from day to day.  Is this the correct state of bliss to be in?  Certainly not.

***

So you will realise that sometimes what we perceive to be a good state of being is also fraught with a lot of pitfalls.  If the worrier is caught up  in his thoughts and cannot break away from them to carry on with constructive endeavours, the what-me-worry folk may not be doing any mid-course correction at all and may go on from blunders to disasters.

***

Contrary to what we are led to believe, the worrier therefore may actually be sometimes better off than someone who never worries.  The ideal situation would of course be to have a blend of both; to worry just a little, not overtly.

***

Unfortunately, it is the worriers that are always noticed, not the never-worry folks.  Only those close to the latter know that beneath their self-assured facade may lie a lifetime of errors.

***

What does one do to stop worrying all the while?  For starters, one should consciously limit one's worrying hours.  Instead of getting vexed all the time, it would be a good first step to curtail worry time to say, an hour at a fixed time.  That would make the person conscious of his tendency when his mental circuitry gets into the loop.

***

Snap out of it and wait till the appointed hour.  I find this method more effective than telling people to put a blanket ban on putting on their worry caps.

***

And what should those people who are without a care do?  They should stop believing that they are in a state of bliss.  It is time for them to wake up and get real about their life and routine.  As I say, it is time to take a close look in the mirror...... ANUPAM KHER

Hope is the best miracle worker in life... Anupam Kher

THE CHANGE WITHIN

I had written some weeks ago about now different people have different ways of coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.  What is  however infinitely more difficult than coping with death, is coping with near-death.  I am referring to people who are living with terminal illnesses, like cancer, AIDS, or diseases of the autoimmune system which have no cure, as yet.  

***

Not only are many such patients unable to accept reality when confronted with it, but there is a huge proportion of patients who buckle down mentally as disease destroys them slowly, ever so slowly.  Therefore, to help them countenance their fate, almost all such illnesses have large support groups.  That is why in such cases, there is a debate on whether the patients ought to be informed about the true state of their health or not.

***

Last week I met two survivors of the Big C at a funeral occasion.  It was at the mourning ceremonies of one of the most energetic actors of yesteryear, Shammi Kapoor, who crossed the Great Divide.  At the ceremony, I met the scion of one of the country's largest film production houses, who was looking paler than usual.  He was one of the brightest youngsters in the industry and was working on offering entertainment on the internet and also on cellphones.  Now, he had lost some weight and some of his crowning glory.  I asked him what the matter was.  "I am down with cancer," he said starkly.  "But cancer has chosen a wrong victim... I am determined to fight back," he said,with determination in his eyes.

***
At the same place, I also met another woman who also told me about her battle with cancer.  "I read your columns which are filled with hope," she said.  "And now you must write about people like us, and give others who are battling such illnesses, hope..."  So here I am madam.
***

And I realised then that my younger brother Raju too had successfully, and very bravely, waged a battle against cancer a few years ago.  Raju was down with cancer of the urinary bladder and a stage came when the surgeons had to remove his bladder completely to save him.  That entailed him to a life with a catheter sticking out of him and his fluid being collected in a pouch by his side.  Not a pleasant existence for anyone.  But miraculously, the surgeons managed to fashion a bladder from his large intestine, sparing him the indignity of life with a puch.  Raju has been back on his feet since then, busy acting and directing television shows and doing the things he had always been doing.

***

Very often, life does not end with such illnesses.  There are thousands of cases of people who have fought back and overcome such illnesses.  The genius of physicist Stephen Hawking is one shining example.  As I say, a bend in the road is not always the end of the road.............

****
THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF CASES OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE FOUGHT BACK AND OVERCOME WHEN THE DOCTORS HAD WRITTEN THEM OFF..........

TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR STRIDE.. MALLIKA BHATIA

BEING PROUD OF YOURSELF ISN'T SUCH A BAD THING, TAKING PRIDE IN YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS, THE VALUES AND BELIEFS THAT YOU UPHOLD IS AN INTEGRAL PART OF ONE'S PERSONALITY.  OF COURSE, ONE NEEDS TO KNOW WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE TOO

***

A high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing:  this is how a dictionary defines 'pride'.  Clearly its meaning is quite obvious to all of us.  It is what we do with it and how we let it affect us which causes all the trouble.

***

Another dictionary defines 'pride' as "a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from achievements, qualities, or possessions that do one credit".  It is the same feeling; all that's changed its how we perceive it, how we react to it and yet again, how we let it affect us.  The purpose is to feel pride by the second definition.  Once we understand the difference between the two, it is an effortless process.

***

It is very important for all human beings to be proud of themselves, without the pride.  The boundary is thin, and hence a little tricky too.

***

In general terms, a deep feeling of happiness and satisfaction on ones achievements, accompanied by a desire to learn and grow more is the appropriate balance; it is achieved when one is ready to learn from everyone regardless of his/her stature, social standing, age or education; and also from every situation, regardless of our being involved directly, indirectly, or not at all.

***

The difference comes when we cross the fine line and move to superbia from pride.  Pride also has humility as an integral part, yet just by being aware of our humility we take away its purity.  The mere fact that we are aware of it goes against the true nature of being humble.  If we are humble, then we just are.  Awareness is not a necessary part of it.

***

People can look up to you for your values, work or beliefs and would ideally make you feel satisfied with yourself as a human being.  It might not be the criterion for you to define and derive your satisfaction, yet it might help.  It can also motivate you to learn, refine and grow more.  That's pride.  On the other hand, expecting people to appreciate you because you have strong values is a reflection of your feeling of superbia or pride by the first definition.

***

Buddhism provides a definition of pride that fits best in this case, "Pride is defined as an exaggerated positive evaluation of oneself, often based on a devaluation of others.  It results in a kind of attachment to oneself and aversion to others".

***

Superbia creates expectation.  Expectation to be complimented, to be followed, to be praised and even to be idolised.  All this may be very subtle but on introspection, it clearly hits the face.  Even if your first reaction on reading this is, "I don't feel so", just peep inside once.  Think objectively and be honest to yourself while doing this analysis.  If you find no traces of these feelings, then please be proud of yourself as you truly do posses a quality that's commendable.  And if your find even slight traces, be proud of yourself for being strong enough to admit to it and being ready to change.  Only when we accept our shortcomings can we actually get down to working on them.

***

Accepting your shortcomings is another huge part of moving from superbia to pride.  When we can't see our faults, we are completely blinded by negative or inappropriate pride.  We keep looking for excuses outside ourselves for things going wrong.  Even while trying to evaluate a given situation we would be able to effortlessly see how someone else caused us trouble, how they are the main reasons for things back-firing and not going our way.  We almost seem synonymous to being victims.  We are the victims, not of others but of our own inappropriate sense of pride.  Another thing that pride does to us it that it creates presumptions.  We we operate out of negative pride, we naturally operate out of a                    pre-conceived notion about ourselves, which may not be what the other person thinks of us.  Like we can easily tell the difference between an actual hard worker and a person who constantly seems/looks busy, similarly in the case of pride, we may believe that our pride does not show, but it is quite evident inn our actions, reactions and perceptions.  Hence, it's a huge cycle of faulty self image, presumptions followed by unreal expectations and finally what goes for a toss is, where it all started from, 'pride'.

***

Why not just value yourself for what you are.  Be realistic about your characteristics, have appropriate self-esteem, right amount of dignity, correct perception of your achievements.  Why not be ready to learn and change, to be willing to improve, to become better people by simply taking pride in your stride.

......  The writer is a counselling psychologist and a holistic healer

Lord Is My Shepherd ... DOMINIC EMMANUEL

AFTER SHARING some of my experiences from the scenic environs of Kerala about how spiritual life without God is impossible just at tea leaves (branches) have no life without being attached to the plant; about beginning our day the way singing birds do and experiencing God's infinite care as good shepherds much the way the shepherds look after their sheep, I can't resist myself telling you how spiritually refreshed I felt by discovering a nice little brook of cool and clear water down in the valley.

***

In my last days of exploring the lush green tea gardens, listening to birds and devouring everything that came my way, in the valley I found a stream of crystal clear water at the foot of two clusters of mountains.  Going that far was a tough call for someone like me who is used to city roads, but I found a well-paved path, which led to that deeper portion of the stream where the quantity of water was more.

***

As I made my way further down the stream, the unmistakable sound of the water flowing over the little rocks and pebbles forming its own dance is stark contrast to the utter stillness of the valley was much more soothing than the recorded music of meditation halls.  One could sit for hours and listen to that sound feeling comforted and uplifted.  I began to see and feel why the sound of water flowing as well as the sound of the ocean waves are said to be therapeutic.

***

Having sat there for quite some time, I could not but stretch my hand out to touch the water.  Quite spontaneously I took the water with my bare hands and began splashing it on my face.

***

I can hardly describe in words how I actually felt doing that.  But it stealthily lead me to a memory of a Hindu friend of mine who had once told me how when she lost her dear mother, he father who happened to be familiar with the Bible went  to a nearby church in New York and reciting Psalm 23 meditated on it to calm him down during that sad bereavement.

***

The precious Psalm, which is frequently used by both Jews and Christians to pray and meditate upon and which has been set to music by several composers goes like this:

***

"The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures;

***

"He leads me beside quiet waters;  He refreshes my soul;

***

"He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake.  Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil, for your are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me..."

***

While churches, temples, mosques and gurdwaras provide one an opportunity to pray and worship in a more structured and systematic way, I found that for the Psalmist (Psalms were supposedly composed by King David), the presence of God in all such places and imagined that even deer and birds would find a shelter on God's altar.

***

It all suggests that, as the poems of Rabindranath Tagore amply  affirm, one can commune with God right in the midst of forests, hills, rivers and everything that nature has given us.  "Thanks you Lord for your beautiful creation."  

                        ______  The author, a founder-member of Parliament of Religions, is currently the director of communication of the Delhi Catholic Church.  He was awarded the National Communal Harmony Award 2008 by the Government of India.  He can be contacted at frdominic@gmail.com

Mantras for life... V. Balakrishnan

There are certain people who are always happy and contented.  Sages of the past ascribe to such people certain qualities that enable them to lead pleasant life.

***

Aarogyamaanrunyamavipravaasa...

Sabhirmanushyaissaha samproyoga...

Swapratyayaa vrithirabheethavaasa...

Shadjeevalokasya sukhani raajan...

***

Health, freedom from liabilities, adsence of a situation that compels one to live abroad, the company of virtuous people, congenial occupation and fearless course of life are the factors that leave a person delighted and satisfied.  A healthy mind is said to dwell in a healthy body.  Therefore, one has to keep the body energetic and free from diseases.

***

Liability of any kind is the root cause of tension and restlessness.  One should never borrow money if one is not in a position to repay.  Liabilities distance a person from friends and relatives and a "borrower" is looked upon with contempt and laughed at by his/her own kin and kith.  Hence, our forefathers warned us against borrowing and lending.

***

People leave their motherland at times of utter crisis - it may be financial or some other emergency situation.  But being forced to go abroad and settle down there is a pity since one can never have peace of mind.  Living away from near and dear ones, rid of the solace of one's native land and devoid of one's identity, leave people frustrated.  Such a person never experiences peace of mind.  Being able to live in one's own motherland is a blessing indeed.

***

We all need a job to earn a means of living.  But if the occupation does not satisfy our interests, it becomes a hard chore.  We must enjoy our work, only then can we do justice to it.  Any work which is not done full-heartedly, becomes mechanical, devoid of soul.

***

True friedns or the company of good people who are concerned about our progress promote our well-being.  Their words inspire us and full us with positive energy.  The fellow-feeling one shares with them adds to our confidence.  Hence, the sages say that the kind of people we associate with is a deciding factor in our peaceful existence.

***

While prescribing norms for a joyous and peaceful life, our forefathers did not forget to warn us against the possible flaws in one's character that bring about woes and worries and against which one has to stay alert.

***

Eershoorkhrinee thwasanthushta....

Khrodhamano nityasankita...

Parabhaagyopajeeveecha...

Shadethe dukhkhabhaagina.....

****

The people who keep watching others make riches and fortunes and stay envious of them can never be happy.

***

The sages of the past point out that six categories of people live in permanent dejection - the envious ones, the ones who cannot bear the worries of others, those discontented with what they have, the angry folk, the always-hesitant ones and those who depend on and serve the lucky ones to make a living.

***

The precepts evolved ages ago from long experience and observation, remain true universally even today.___  DR VENGANOOR BALAKRISHNAN is the author of Thaliyola, a book on Hindu beliefs and rituals.  He has also written books on the Vedas and Upanishads.  The author can be reached at drvenganoor@yahoo.co.in

How To Develop A Good Self-Image

We all tend to think too little of ourselves, and so we fail to achieve more than a fraction of our true potential.

***

The self-image is the key to human personality.  Change the self-image and you change the personality and the behaviour.

***

We always act in accordance with our self-image, and our feelings and behaviour are always consistent with this inner picture of ourselves.  This is the blue print from which our subconscious mind works.

***

Be entirely positive.  List only your good points.  Write down the things that you can do.  The things that you are better than others.  The things you are proud of.

***

Constantly work at the idea of a new positive attitude.

***

Be sure, therefore, to picture strongly to yourself the kind of person you wish to be.

***

Mentally see yourself acting with courage and determination in the given situation.  Do this repeatedly and you will soon form a habit of acting courageously.

***

Try to picture yourself as an outgoing, friendly person when others love to be with you.

***

It is the little things you do each day - the way you react to what is happening, how you develop good feeling for others, what you are constantly thinking about yourself, and how this expresses itself through you day-by-day - that gradually builds up your self-image.

**********

Do you think that I will be of any use to my students in developing their personality? _Question asked by a teacher.

Answer:

Certainly, you are the right person for this job.  It is your good fortune that you have chosen such a noble profession.  There is great praise for a teacher in our scriptures.  In one of the Sanskrit hymns, the teacher is compared with Brahma, Vishnu, and Maheshvara.  Therefore, you should never forget that you are doing a great service in moulding the lives and characters of numerous students within the four walls of the classroom.  Students come to you with great expectations that they will get something purposeful in life from you.  Your duty is not only to teach them syllabus, but to help them in building character.  Students coming out from educational institutions with character and integrity alone can build this great nation.  If you can do that in your humble way, you will be doing immense service to your nation and to the youth.

***

A lit candle alone can light another.  Therefore, at the very outset, you must have firm conviction in the power of goodness; and it should express through your life and character.  Sri Krishna says in the Bhagavad-Gita (3:21).  "What ever a great leader does, other persons do that very thing!  Whichever standard he sets, the world follows it."  Your life itself will be a great source of inspiration for the students.  Teaching without practising will not produce any positive results.  Modern students are very intelligent.  They will watch your life and character.  If they do not find those things in practice, they will not care for your words.

***

If you sincerely love your students, and are really interested in their welfare, they will certainly follow your footsteps.  You must develop infinite patience and forbearance.  Never find fault with your students for their shortcomings and mistakes, rather highlight their good qualities and successes.  Swami Vivekananda said : "If you speak kind words to boys and encourage them, they are bound to improve in time.  If you can give them positive ideas, people will grow up to be men and learn to stand on their own legs.  In language and literature, in poetry and art, in everything we must point out not the mistakes that people are making in their thoughts and actions, but the way in which they will gradually be able to do these things better.  Pointing out mistakes wounds a man's feelings.  We have seen how Sri Ramakrishna would encourage even those whom we considered as worthless and change the very course of their lives thereby!  His very method of teaching was a unique phenomenon.  He never destroyed a single man's special inclinations.  He gave words of hope and encouragement even to the most degraded of persons and lifted them up.  We, too, must follow in his footsteps and lift all up and rouse them."

***

You should be able to enter into the hearts of your students.  They should find in you their friend, philosopher, and guide.  Then alone will they open their hearts and freely express their problems.  Your approach to their problems should be positive, and you should try your utmost to help them in solving their problems, if it is within your reach.  This intimacy and mutual love and affection will strengthen the relationship between the taught and the teacher.  Once you put them on right track, they will grow up as real men and women of character and integrity.  They will remain grateful to you throughout their lives for your great service rendered to them.  For you, there will be job satisfaction bringing in peace and happiness alround. _Swami Srikanthananda

***