Makings Of A Great Hero.... MANI SHANKAR

I get up every morning and tell myself I want to enjoy life at office today.  But I end up preoccupied, nervous or just plain sad.  At night, I look back and realise that I failed once again.  Tell me how to enjoy life.  Make it a short answer, something I can hold in my heart.............. -- Divya, Age 26

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Swami Vivekananda once famously said, "This world can only be enjoyed by Heroes."  Nobody said it better.  So, if you want to enjoy your life, be a Hero.  That's your short answer.  Hold that in your heart everyday.

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Now, for the long explanation.  For starters, "Hero" isn't gender specific.  It doesn't mean a male matinee idol.  It doesn't mean a sports sensation or a rock star.  It doesn't mean the celebrities, the champions or the men we sometimes wished we were.  A hero is none of them.  Hero is actually a state of mind.  It's your response to the world - your reflection of your inner-self.

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How do you become a hero?  To begin with, be on good terms with all persons, with the world, with the situation you find yourself in right now.  A hero never rages against reality.  She accepts her reality even as she moves to change it.  Anger isn't her favorite emotion.  She is calm, in the face of adversity, has the strength to smile when others feel the need to cry.

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A hero never compares herself to others.  She knows that there will always be someone better, fairer, sexier, smarter, richer, more successful than herself.  She has the courage to feel good about anyone who is in that list, and has the strength not to let them shake her aim or goal.

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A hero is interested in her own career, however humble it may seem.  She knows the world has a way of putting down everyone.  She will learn to ignore the world and pursue whatever she does till she does it fantastically well, for she knows that is the gateway to future success.

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A hero is always looking for virtues in others.  Even though she knows there are more frauds than good people, she is never hesitant to seek and praise goodness, greatness or any other virtue in anyone.  She can do that because she is confident of herself.  Her foundations are rock solid within, and this liberates her.  She is nobody's fool.  When she cuts someone down, it is with minimum force - done with poise and grace.

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A hero is gentle on herself.  She knows how precious her life is, how beautiful all life is.  She knows she is a visitor to this planet, here on a short holiday, and it's important to have fun in every moment.  So nothing really needs to be taken very seriously.

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She is smart enough to know that if she doesn't live her present moment in happiness, she isn't likely to live the future moment either. 

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So look at yourself every morning, Divya, look at the inner self, look at the true your, till a radiant smile spreads across your face.  You know you are a hero.  You will live today like a hero.

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Nothing and nobody will come in your way, for you hold the keys to your life, and your happiness is solely in your hands.  Now go ahead and have a truly great day.... 

Don't cry over challenges ... MANI SHANKAR...

ANY ONE WHO LOSES CANNOT BE CALLED A LOSER.  BUT THE GUY WHO GIVES UP WITHOUT EVEN TRYING IS  A REAL LOSER
When will our society arrive at a stage where people are not labelled winners and losers?  Why are we always pitted against each other, made to compete for everything?  Why do we make life so damn tough for others?  I need to know this immediately," says 14 year-old Prithvi.
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Despite the philosophical nature of the questions you have raised.  I am quite sure that one of the three things has recently happened to you:
1.  You performed badly in a test or exam.
2.  Some girl you fancied told you to get lost.
3.  An older sibling, a teacher or a parent scolded you or called you a "loser" for something  you did or did not do.
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Even if none of these things have happened, get the word "loser" out of your head, now and forever.  It should no longer exist in your vocabulary.  Here's why.  There is a serious difference between losing and being a loser.  Anyone and everyone who loses cannot be called a loser.  In fact, no one who loses can be termed a loser.  But the guy who gives up without even trying is a real loser.
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We compete for everything because as humans, we are programmed to be eternally dissatisfied with whatever we have.  It's in our nature to fight with each other all the time.  But don't let that worry you.  Conflict is a fact of life.  Better prepare for it.
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Don't get philosophical and start feeling sad about the world either, for only stiff competition can bring out the best in you, sharpen your mind, strengthen your sinews, make a real man out of you.
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So whether it's the exam hall or the cineplex mall, you are going to be competing for marks, for chicks, for attention, for practically everything.  You can't get soft on the world and cry about why we make life so tough for ourselves.
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Life would be boring without the spice of challenge, without obstacles and conflicts.  Imagine if every boy had a proper girlfriend and everyone was going steady all the time... yuck!  Where
s the spice of getting a "look" from someone who is already "booked"?  Life would be like driving a thousand miles on a road that goes straight on a plain flat countryside.  Where's the scenery, where are the bends and turns, the bumps and uphill climbs?
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If you have absolutely everything you want in life and there was nothing more to aspire for, you would die out of sheer boredom.  If you have nothing in life and have given up wanting any thing, your brain would shrink and wither away.  So stop snivelling about life and become tough.
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We all need an identity for ourselves.  When you grow older, you need to look back and mark the milestones of your life and say "here is where I wrote my entrance exam", or "on this day I won that trophy" or even "I was wearing this shirt when she walked out of my life", or "on this very place we lost the finals".  All those milestones are nothing but obstacles you managed to overcome, or which overwhelmed you.  Either  way, they are great moments that defined your life.
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So friend, forget about defeat and victory.  Concentrate on being there and doing that.  In life, even losing something after heroically trying is a very great achievement. 
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So stuff the philosophy and get your ass cracking.  Sweat it out, bury your head in that book, get your sleeves dirty, whatever.  Just get real with life......
"WE COMPETE FOR EVERYTHING BECAUSE WE ARE PROGRAMMED TO BE ETERNALLY DISSATISFIED WITH WHATEVER WE HAVE.  BUT DON'T LET THAT WORRY YOU.  CONFLICT IS A FACT OF LIFE."
*******************....... MANI SHANKAR.. The author, a film, director, will help the youth strike a balance in their relationships.... 

Allot Worry A Small Slot In Mental Circuit... ANUPAM KHER

The renowned actor decodes the finer nuances of human psyche and behaviour and shows the route to self-improvement...

Anxiety has never been judged as a positive emotion.  It is linked with everything that is worthy of being discarded - nervousness, worry, stress and many more.  People with the anxiety syndrome are not too difficult to detect either.

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They are tense, edgy, have a nervous look about them and they display a giveaway sometimes.  Like nervously biting their nails, or even chewing a handkerchief.  For them, life is a series of worries; will their child come back safely from school, will their children pass in their exams this year, do you think the maid is thinking about quitting her job?

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And the worries are not just about the todays.  They stretch into tomorrows and the days after.  Will the children find suitable life partners, will the spouse remain faithful to them when they grow old, what happenes if they contract a life threatening disease?

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In contrast, there are the what-me-care types; the people who have never known a worry.  They go through life blithely, having never known what a crinkled frown is.  You may think that such people are darned lucky.  But pause awhile and consider the baggage that such an attitude brings.

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They never review their lives, never look back in introspection - let alone in anger - they just coast along from day to day.  Is this the correct state of bliss to be in?  Certainly not.

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So you will realise that sometimes what we perceive to be a good state of being is also fraught with a lot of pitfalls.  If the worrier is caught up  in his thoughts and cannot break away from them to carry on with constructive endeavours, the what-me-worry folk may not be doing any mid-course correction at all and may go on from blunders to disasters.

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Contrary to what we are led to believe, the worrier therefore may actually be sometimes better off than someone who never worries.  The ideal situation would of course be to have a blend of both; to worry just a little, not overtly.

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Unfortunately, it is the worriers that are always noticed, not the never-worry folks.  Only those close to the latter know that beneath their self-assured facade may lie a lifetime of errors.

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What does one do to stop worrying all the while?  For starters, one should consciously limit one's worrying hours.  Instead of getting vexed all the time, it would be a good first step to curtail worry time to say, an hour at a fixed time.  That would make the person conscious of his tendency when his mental circuitry gets into the loop.

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Snap out of it and wait till the appointed hour.  I find this method more effective than telling people to put a blanket ban on putting on their worry caps.

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And what should those people who are without a care do?  They should stop believing that they are in a state of bliss.  It is time for them to wake up and get real about their life and routine.  As I say, it is time to take a close look in the mirror...... ANUPAM KHER

Hope is the best miracle worker in life... Anupam Kher

THE CHANGE WITHIN

I had written some weeks ago about now different people have different ways of coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.  What is  however infinitely more difficult than coping with death, is coping with near-death.  I am referring to people who are living with terminal illnesses, like cancer, AIDS, or diseases of the autoimmune system which have no cure, as yet.  

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Not only are many such patients unable to accept reality when confronted with it, but there is a huge proportion of patients who buckle down mentally as disease destroys them slowly, ever so slowly.  Therefore, to help them countenance their fate, almost all such illnesses have large support groups.  That is why in such cases, there is a debate on whether the patients ought to be informed about the true state of their health or not.

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Last week I met two survivors of the Big C at a funeral occasion.  It was at the mourning ceremonies of one of the most energetic actors of yesteryear, Shammi Kapoor, who crossed the Great Divide.  At the ceremony, I met the scion of one of the country's largest film production houses, who was looking paler than usual.  He was one of the brightest youngsters in the industry and was working on offering entertainment on the internet and also on cellphones.  Now, he had lost some weight and some of his crowning glory.  I asked him what the matter was.  "I am down with cancer," he said starkly.  "But cancer has chosen a wrong victim... I am determined to fight back," he said,with determination in his eyes.

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At the same place, I also met another woman who also told me about her battle with cancer.  "I read your columns which are filled with hope," she said.  "And now you must write about people like us, and give others who are battling such illnesses, hope..."  So here I am madam.
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And I realised then that my younger brother Raju too had successfully, and very bravely, waged a battle against cancer a few years ago.  Raju was down with cancer of the urinary bladder and a stage came when the surgeons had to remove his bladder completely to save him.  That entailed him to a life with a catheter sticking out of him and his fluid being collected in a pouch by his side.  Not a pleasant existence for anyone.  But miraculously, the surgeons managed to fashion a bladder from his large intestine, sparing him the indignity of life with a puch.  Raju has been back on his feet since then, busy acting and directing television shows and doing the things he had always been doing.

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Very often, life does not end with such illnesses.  There are thousands of cases of people who have fought back and overcome such illnesses.  The genius of physicist Stephen Hawking is one shining example.  As I say, a bend in the road is not always the end of the road.............

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THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF CASES OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE FOUGHT BACK AND OVERCOME WHEN THE DOCTORS HAD WRITTEN THEM OFF..........